The Top Ten Family Guy Quotes

The best one liners from the most irreverant show on network television. Only because it is animated do the writers get away with all the stuff they do. Don't agree with the list? Place your vote or if you are a logged in, add a new item for others to vote on.

Vote for "You'd better watch who you're calling a child, Lois. Because if I'm a child, you know what that makes you? A Pedophile. And I'll be damned if I'm gonna be lectured by a pervert." - Peter Griffin 1) "You'd better watch who you're calling a child, Lois. Because if I'm a child, you know what that makes you? A Pedophile. And I'll be damned if I'm gonna be lectured by a pervert." - Peter Griffin

“ahah yea this is one of my favorites beside "giggedy giggedy" heheh”

Vote for "Woah, woah, woah, woah, woah, woah, woah, woah, woah, woah, woah, woah... Lois, this is not my Batman glass." - Peter Griffin 2) "Woah, woah, woah, woah, woah, woah, woah, woah, woah, woah, woah, woah... Lois, this is not my Batman glass." - Peter Griffin

“By Far the 2nd best qoute in family guy history”

arhymemaster

Vote for "Hello, 911? It’s Quagmire. Yeah, it’s caught in the window this time." - Glen Quagmire 3) "Hello, 911? It’s Quagmire. Yeah, it’s caught in the window this time." - Glen Quagmire

“I love this quote”

metallicfan101

“This is the best family guy quote ever”

Jazzman

Vote for "So, is there any tread left on the tires? Or at this point would it be like throwing a hot dog down a hallway?" - Stewie Griffin (to one of the prostitutes at Cleveland's house) 4) "So, is there any tread left on the tires? Or at this point would it be like throwing a hot dog down a hallway?" - Stewie Griffin (to one of the prostitutes at Cleveland's house)

Vote for "I've got an idea--an idea so smart that my head would explode if I even began to know what I'm talking about." - Peter Griffin 5) "I've got an idea--an idea so smart that my head would explode if I even began to know what I'm talking about." - Peter Griffin

Vote for "Mum mum mum mum mummy mummy mummy mummy Lois........ Hi"- Stewie 6) "Mum mum mum mum mummy mummy mummy mummy Lois........ Hi"- Stewie

Vote for "Because you touch yourself at night" - Museum tour guide to a child Peter Griffin after asking why the dinosaurs died 7) "Because you touch yourself at night" - Museum tour guide to a child Peter Griffin after asking why the dinosaurs died

“LOL”

waterboy51

“giggedy giggedy”

“This one cracks me up every time!”

Vote for "Ha ha ha, oh my God! I almost didn't do it, I almost didn't do it! I thought, is this in bad taste? But you know what, I went for it. I went for it and I'm so glad I did! Ooooh, worth it, totally worth it." - Stewie Griffin (after tripping Pete 8) "Ha ha ha, oh my God! I almost didn't do it, I almost didn't do it! I thought, is this in bad taste? But you know what, I went for it. I went for it and I'm so glad I did! Ooooh, worth it, totally worth it." - Stewie Griffin (after tripping Pete

“This is by far my favorite moment of family guy”

Vote for "Hey, mother, I come bearing a gift. I'll give you a hint. It's in my diaper and it's not a toaster." - Stewie Griffin 9) "Hey, mother, I come bearing a gift. I'll give you a hint. It's in my diaper and it's not a toaster." - Stewie Griffin

Vote for "I'm not going to call an ambulance this time because if I do you won't learn anything." - Brian 10) "I'm not going to call an ambulance this time because if I do you won't learn anything." - Brian

People who visited this list also visited these top ten lists:

Add this top ten list to your site. List will automatically update so you have the same list as we do.

Link to this list from your blog, Facebook profile, or MySpace page using the HTML code below.

Choices Not In The Top Ten

Vote for ''giggity giggity giggity'' - Quagmire 11) ''giggity giggity giggity'' - Quagmire

“giggity giggity, all right”

Razor79

“I laugh every time he Quagmire does it.”

Hannibalbarka

“THIS SHOULD BE NUMBER 1”

clerkatron

» more comments on ''giggity giggity giggity'' - Quagmire

Vote for Buttscratcher! Buttscrather! Buttscratcher! - Peter Griffin 12) Buttscratcher! Buttscrather! Buttscratcher! - Peter Griffin

“I love this one”

ziggy22

“so funny”

idolangelx13

“My fave one”

Vote for "Excuse me, is your refrigerator running? Because if it is, it probably runs like you - very homosexually." - Peter Griffin 13) "Excuse me, is your refrigerator running? Because if it is, it probably runs like you - very homosexually." - Peter Griffin

Vote for "I’d do her... do her... wouldn’t do her.... Whew! who hasn’t done her?! ...Lose the pigtails and we’ll talk..." - Stewie Griffin 14) "I’d do her... do her... wouldn’t do her.... Whew! who hasn’t done her?! ...Lose the pigtails and we’ll talk..." - Stewie Griffin

Vote for "That was ’Me Farting by Chopin?’" (Stewie after accidentally farting while playing the French horn) 15) "That was ’Me Farting by Chopin?’" (Stewie after accidentally farting while playing the French horn)

“Saw this last night for the first time - I was still laughing about it this morning!”

“Classic”

Vote for "Hello Sally, h-hey its Peter Griffen. Yeah, that's right, senior prom, yeah it's been a while..so listen, um, I just found out that Im retarted and um, I'm just calling to let you know that uh, you might want to get yourself tested 16) "Hello Sally, h-hey its Peter Griffen. Yeah, that's right, senior prom, yeah it's been a while..so listen, um, I just found out that Im retarted and um, I'm just calling to let you know that uh, you might want to get yourself tested

Vote for "Those freakin elves man, they came outta the trees, they just came outta the trees man" - Snap to Pop and Crackle after they got jumped by the Keebler gang 17) "Those freakin elves man, they came outta the trees, they just came outta the trees man" - Snap to Pop and Crackle after they got jumped by the Keebler gang

“My personal favorite”

preachinpreach

Vote for Oh God, It's everywhere.... It's even in my racoon wounds! - Peter Griffin 18) Oh God, It's everywhere.... It's even in my racoon wounds! - Peter Griffin

“After Peter get knocked over in a portable toilet.”

Vote for "When I stick this army guy with the sharp bayonette up my nose, it tickles my brain. Hah hah hah ... ow. Oh, now I don't know math." - Chris Griffin 19) "When I stick this army guy with the sharp bayonette up my nose, it tickles my brain. Hah hah hah ... ow. Oh, now I don't know math." - Chris Griffin

“I did that once and I forgot math too.”

Vote for "I didn’t have gas for the first time until I was 30." [farts] "What the hell was that?" - Peter Griffin 20) "I didn’t have gas for the first time until I was 30." [farts] "What the hell was that?" - Peter Griffin

Vote for "Yes, but no sprinkles. For every sprinkle I find... I shall kill you." - Stewie Griffin 21) "Yes, but no sprinkles. For every sprinkle I find... I shall kill you." - Stewie Griffin

Vote for "Nothing says "Obey Me" like a bloody head on a fence post!" - Stewie Griffin 22) "Nothing says "Obey Me" like a bloody head on a fence post!" - Stewie Griffin

“Sound’s like somthing id say
”

Vote for "Hello there, Kyle. You like nice today. I see you're wearing your big shorts with the baggy leg holes that flutter so carelessly in the breeze. Would like to come in for a glass of wine and a cupcake?" - Herbert 23) "Hello there, Kyle. You like nice today. I see you're wearing your big shorts with the baggy leg holes that flutter so carelessly in the breeze. Would like to come in for a glass of wine and a cupcake?" - Herbert

Vote for "I spit in your mouth when you sleep!" - Stewie Griffin 24) "I spit in your mouth when you sleep!" - Stewie Griffin

Vote for "Hey there, you like popscicles? I got a whole cellar full of popscicles." - Herbert the Pervert 25) "Hey there, you like popscicles? I got a whole cellar full of popscicles." - Herbert the Pervert

Vote for "I felt guilty once, but she woke up halfway through." - Quagmire 26) "I felt guilty once, but she woke up halfway through." - Quagmire

“Great”

Vote for Bill Cosby: "Stewie, what do you think candy is made out of?" Stewie Griffin: "Sunshine and farts! What the hell kind of question is that?!" 27) Bill Cosby: "Stewie, what do you think candy is made out of?" Stewie Griffin: "Sunshine and farts! What the hell kind of question is that?!"

“Funniest thing I’ve ever heard!!!”

Jeheffiner

Vote for Who the hell do you think you are!? - Stewie 28) Who the hell do you think you are!? - Stewie

Vote for "Hold the pickles! God help you if I find pickles!!!" - Stewie to the flight attendant 29) "Hold the pickles! God help you if I find pickles!!!" - Stewie to the flight attendant

Vote for Cut my milk! - Stewie Griffin 30) Cut my milk! - Stewie Griffin

Vote for "By all means, turn me into a child star. Perhaps I can move to Californ-i-ay and wrangle me a three-way with the Olsen twins." - Stewie 31) "By all means, turn me into a child star. Perhaps I can move to Californ-i-ay and wrangle me a three-way with the Olsen twins." - Stewie

Vote for "Now that you can't see, let's do a little vision test. What is this? A poopie or a Toblerone?" - Stewie Griffin after he breaks Meg Griffin's glasses 32) "Now that you can't see, let's do a little vision test. What is this? A poopie or a Toblerone?" - Stewie Griffin after he breaks Meg Griffin's glasses

“ha!!! i couldn’t stop laughing!!!”

pishposh11

Vote for "Dammit! I'm missing Boy Meets World for this?" - Herbert the Pervert 33) "Dammit! I'm missing Boy Meets World for this?" - Herbert the Pervert

Vote for "It's Been Revoked" - Peter quoting Lethal Weapon 2 after shooting Stewie in the head 34) "It's Been Revoked" - Peter quoting Lethal Weapon 2 after shooting Stewie in the head

Vote for "I can't eat this it'll go straight to my vagina. That what girls worrie about right? Having big vaginas?"- Stewie 35) "I can't eat this it'll go straight to my vagina. That what girls worrie about right? Having big vaginas?"- Stewie

Vote for "It's peanut butter jelly time!" - Brain 36) "It's peanut butter jelly time!" - Brain

Vote for I say mother, this hotdog has been on my plate for a full minute and it hasn't cut itself. - Stewie Griffin 37) I say mother, this hotdog has been on my plate for a full minute and it hasn't cut itself. - Stewie Griffin

“lol”

Vote for "Hey guys, wanna go play some base-(voice drops) ball? Excuse me, I'm gonna go masturbate" - When Peter goes through puberty 38) "Hey guys, wanna go play some base-(voice drops) ball? Excuse me, I'm gonna go masturbate" - When Peter goes through puberty

Vote for Been working on that novel huh? Been working on that for three years now right? Gonna, gonna get that done? You know that novel, that novel you where making where friends become enemies and enemies become friends. You gonna get that done right? -Stewie 39) Been working on that novel huh? Been working on that for three years now right? Gonna, gonna get that done? You know that novel, that novel you where making where friends become enemies and enemies become friends. You gonna get that done right? -Stewie

“Funny as hell!”

Vote for "Come on, let's go drink until we can't feel feelings anymore." - Peter Griffin 40) "Come on, let's go drink until we can't feel feelings anymore." - Peter Griffin

Vote for (to a bus load of girls) "I'll be Charlie and all of you can be my angels. Except you. You be Bosley."- Peter 41) (to a bus load of girls) "I'll be Charlie and all of you can be my angels. Except you. You be Bosley."- Peter

Vote for "What the deuce?" - Stewie Griffin 42) "What the deuce?" - Stewie Griffin

Vote for Hellooooooooo - Smiley Mcgee 43) Hellooooooooo - Smiley Mcgee

“Lmao”

Vote for Peter: 'OMG, Brain there's a message in my Alphabits, it says "Ooooooooo"', Brian : "Peter, those are Cherios" 44) Peter: 'OMG, Brain there's a message in my Alphabits, it says "Ooooooooo"', Brian : "Peter, those are Cherios"

“Ha[=”

Vote for "Juggle the beanbags Cloris!!! GOD HELP YOU juggle the BEANBAGS!!!!!" - Peter after legally owning Cloris Leachman 45) "Juggle the beanbags Cloris!!! GOD HELP YOU juggle the BEANBAGS!!!!!" - Peter after legally owning Cloris Leachman

Vote for I like you. When I rule the world, your death shall quick and painless. -Stewie Griffin 46) I like you. When I rule the world, your death shall quick and painless. -Stewie Griffin

Vote for "I had such a crush on her. Until I met you Lois. You're my silver medal." - Peter 47) "I had such a crush on her. Until I met you Lois. You're my silver medal." - Peter