The Funniest Stand-up Comedians


Who REALLY makes you bust-a-gut laughing. Don't agree with the list? Place your vote or if you are a logged in, add a new item for others to vote on.

Click the VOTE link next to the item you think should be moved up the list.

Vote for Jerry Seinfeld 1) Jerry Seinfeld

There’s very little advice in men’s magazines, because men don’t think there’s a lot they don’t know. Women do. Women want to learn. Men think, ’I know what I’m doing, just show me somebody naked.’

He is my idol!

The simplicity of Jerry Seinfeld’s jokes is his strength. His ability to observe things that we just take for granted is his source of superior comedy!

Vote for Dane Cook 2) Dane Cook

"YOUR AN F-N RIOT!"

Hi can i take your order- WHOPPER!!!!

supreme

dane rulez ||

Vote for Russell Peters 3) Russell Peters

Best guy ever..
’Whats your chinese name’
Tap-sum-bong
’Isn’t that like getting high’

thedeadman16

OMG I laugh at his jokes no matter how many times I hear them... I love this joke though:

"you know women talk all buissness on the phone and men talk pure do-do"
"you hear a woman talking and the phone and shes like-yeah id like chairs with that and have your people call my people okay-(phone turns off)"

"you hear men on the phone and they try to make it look cool- talk to me... yeah.. oh.. lap danceing I’ll meet you there (turns off phone) buissness baby buissness (he says to wife)"

wildog47

russell peters is good man... I can’t believe dane cook is ahead of the rest though... well I guess people either hate him or love him

sikhfoo

Vote for George Carlin 4) George Carlin

he talked about what he believed and it was haylarious i am going to miss him

topdis

The best comedian ever...

Ekolod

all-timer

RdrTech

Vote for Steve Martin 5) Steve Martin

I gave my cat a bath the other day. . .they love it. He sat there, he enjoyed it, it was fun for me. The fur would stick to my tongue, but other than that. . .

Vote for Mitch Hedberg 6) Mitch Hedberg

’Fettucini alfredo is macaroni and cheese for adults.’

I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to, too. R.I.P. Mitch

travis13

The way mitch hedberg looks at the world is completely different from anyone else’s. I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to, too! it’s brilliant to make those connections.

Vote for Dave Chappelle 7) Dave Chappelle

Time and time again I will watch the same things, but it only gets funnier. This guy is funny throughout his career, unlike some comedians. You cannot sit still watching this guy, he will make you hurt from laughing so hard.

He is funny as hell especially in his 2000 special

Grape Drank, any time I hear this part I will laugh, The Funniest Comedian in my mind, number 1 for sure

Vote for Robin Williams 8) Robin Williams

’We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.’

it is a tragic injustice that this man is not number 1. he is a brilliant artist.

the best

Vote for Katt Williams 9) Katt Williams

He should be #1

Katt Williams is one of the funniest comedians ever. If you haven’t seen american hustle then thats why he isn’t number one vote him up there

wtf all the other guys are retarded kat is the most funny

Vote for Chris Rock 10) Chris Rock

hilarious!

GlonnAtronnAdonnAdict

He can always make me laugh and put a smile on my face!!

now i have a kid is nothing cuz even "roaches have kids too" i looked my daughter in the eye and relized my goal in parenting is to keep her off the poll!!

Choices Not In The Top Ten...

Vote for Richard Pryor 11) Richard Pryor

’A sold-out house my first night back. Do you have any idea what kinda pressure that is? I could have been at home in my warm bed, playing Nintendo.’

Richard Pryor is the best even robin williams said it himself. noone comes close.Richard didnt only do comedy he gave a lot and brought whites and black together.this is the only guy who has tears coming out of my eyes when i watch him. Rest in peace buddy

preachinpreach

Although Bill Hicks is my favourite, I think, technically, Pryor was the best.

Vote for Eddie Izzard 12) Eddie Izzard

fish in the sky and a big monkey pie...

he is simply the best!!! Can’t bloody belive that he ain’t in the top ten! He should be nr. 1! CAKE OR DEATH!

Eddie is fantastic, he has a way of looking at the world which will make you laugh without him having to insult anyone to get laughs

Vote for Brian Regan 13) Brian Regan

This man is the funniest comedian I have ever seen.

Back Seat! Feet on the Hump!

The best thing about Brian Regan is that he is the BEST stand up comedian out there and he doesn’t have to lower himself to vulgar language or nasty humor... thank God for Brian Regan! He’s funny for EVERYONE!

Vote for Bill Hicks 14) Bill Hicks

Although dead his shows are still insanely accurate to the current times. I sometimes have to pause and remind myself that he is not talking about the 2000’s.

Best comedian by far. He could assault the crowd and then bring them back in at any moment.

bill did a lot of good. r.i.p man.

you wanna know politics in America?
-i think the puppet on the right shares my beliefs.
-i think the puppet on the left shares mine..
HEY! its 1 guy holding up 2 puppets!
Thats right America Go Back to bed.
Your Government Is Under Control.
Heres American Gladiators. Shut Up and Watch That. Heres 156 Channels of it!

Vote for Lewis Black 15) Lewis Black

If it weren’t for my horse, I never would have spent that year in college.

Great energy... the funniest "critic"... ever... he speaks the truth while bein’ pssed off... he’s hilarious

schmidyschmidybangbang

Love the attitude, love the guy

Mickthecook

Vote for Eddie Murphy 16) Eddie Murphy

Eddie Murphy no second thought. All these people don’t know what comedy is and have to do insults and putdowns just to make them seem funny, Eddie Murphy is naturally funny. Don’t believe me check out some of his programs mentioning some like Beverly Hills Cop 1,2, and 3. He is awesome and has been doing it strong and well for more than 20 years. Will Smith is great as well.

Undertaker15-0

Should Be at least in the Top Ten if not in the Top Five

eddie is the best!!!!!!!

Vote for Lee Evans 17) Lee Evans

Have you seen his work? It’s so funny!

llamalove

I think this guy should be number one because you look at his videos then you look at Jerry Seinfeld’s videos and there is a big difference going positive on lee evan’s side.

lee evans is without as doubt the best standup ever. this is purely because absolute everyone no matter what age can relate to his material. yes some other comedians are really good, but aren’t really for all ages. most are to indepth and doesn’t come across as funny. whereas lee evans is straight to the point.

Vote for Jeff Dunham 18) Jeff Dunham

Achmed the Dead Terrorist rocks!

PlayboyX429

Jeff Dunhams innovative style, wide range of comedic jokes of situations and events, and amazing talent at comedy with and without his dummies makes him the best comedian I’ve ever seen.

dont drop me say the jose,"do a little tap dance and we got salsa"
shut up peanut,"sorry jose",it’s ok i kill him later"

Vote for Demetri Martin 19) Demetri Martin

I like rainbows, but I’m not gay. that’s pretty selfish, gays. stealing all the rainbows.

Seriously see him live. I had so much fun.

If I ever saw a amputee being hanged I would just starting yelling out letters.

Vote for Ellen Degeneres 20) Ellen Degeneres

My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She’s ninety-seven now, and we don’t know where the hell she is.

I can’t believe she is number 14! SHE’S SO FUNNY, I LAUGH MY ASS OFF EVERY TIME I WATCH HER STAND-UPS!

I love her but not in a lesbo way.

Vote for Jim Gaffigan 21) Jim Gaffigan

his general attitude towards everything is the best

HOT POCKETS!

Jim Gaffigan is right up there with my other favorite, Brian Regan. He’s hilarious without having to be nasty... that’s true talent... thank God for Jim Gaffigan!

Vote for Pablo Francisco 22) Pablo Francisco

you have to watch him to get the most laughs!

who did not vote for him he don’t know him.

he is defenetely one of the best 5 comedians EVER..."what eveeer"...lol.. is not stand up, it’s impressionation, sound effects, faces, the whole-nine-yards.....i guess people need to wath him....

Vote for Billy Connolly 23) Billy Connolly

’Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit.’

Billy Connelly is one of the oldest comedians on the list and he still is the best!

Madman

billy connolly is the funniest man alive, the only reason he isn’t number 1 in most charts is because some americans and australians don’t get some of his jokes.

Vote for George Lopez 24) George Lopez

Funniest Dude Alive

smosh28lollipop

I don’t think he’s # 1 but he is hillarious
regardless if he’s Hispanic Asian White Black purple or blue he should be in the top 10.

123klongike

He would be number one if the voters were hispanic.

Vote for Carlos Mencia 25) Carlos Mencia

I think he’s the funniest.

"Dee Dee Dee"

Vote for Daniel Tosh 26) Daniel Tosh

he should be #1.

just great

"Sometimes when things aren’t going right, I like to take a home pregnancy test, that away I can utter the phrase, ’at least I’m not pregnant’. "

Vote for Steven Wright 27) Steven Wright

’A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of widths.’

I named my dog stay. He went insane. Come here, Stay.
That’s pure absurdity and at the same time, pure genius.

walter34

Steven Wright -No One Thinks from outside the box as Steven. He uses words and verbal images that make you think, Steven toss out an handgrenade and waits for it to go off, then 3-2-1 oh you got it. Master of controling the Audience.

Vote for Bill Cosby 28) Bill Cosby

All he did was stand up there and tell stories, but they were the best stories we have ever heard. Every story he tells is relevant to real life and he is able to get you belly laughing without resorting to obscenity. Truly a class act.

Bill Cosby is one of the best of all time. Just off of the simple fact that he can entertain without using fowl language is classic. He is definitely in MY top 5.

Totally agree. Bill Cosby is a great comedian. He’s the best. His sense of humour is simple, smart, ironic and clean.

Vote for John Pinette 29) John Pinette

John pinette should be much much higher. He is easily the funniest man on the face of the earth!

He’s not under rated as far as I can tell. His summer tour started in January, and did about half the year of shows. I’m trying to see him December 2007 in Las Vegas, but he is not doing any shows, and I think he’s on vacation. I would want to be if I toured half the year. Though he is the most famous, in the sense of Jerry Seinfield, he will one day if he’s ever on television series or in a movie. And who knows, maybe John perfers to not be extra ordinary famous, and prefers only to be famously talented famous. Love him!

He’s not under rated as far as I can tell. His summer tour started in January, and did about half the year of shows. I’m trying to see him December 2007 in Las Vegas, but he is not doing any shows, and I think he’s on vacation. I would want to be if I toured half the year. Though he is the most famous, in the sense of Jerry Seinfield, he will one day if he’s ever on television series or in a movie. And who knows, maybe John prefers to not be extra ordinary famous, and prefers only to be famously talented famous. Love him!

Vote for Nick Swardson 30) Nick Swardson

His stand-up had me laughing for an hour. I love him, I couldn’t even pick one quote. Great stories :)

Nick Swardson, Omg- I want to marry that man- hes so hiarious! how can he not be in the top 10??

i really have no idea how hes not on here. hes one of the best along with brian regean, demetri martin and jim gaffigan

Vote for Jimmy Carr 31) Jimmy Carr

Everyones talking about the Sex-Offenders register, personally I Don’t even think they should be in School

Miles101

Jimmy Carr is a legend, should be No.1

"I don’t use Votophone because I don’t like their advertising slogan- Join the world’s largest mobile community.. Correct me if I’m wrong... That’s the gypsies."

Vote for Gabriel Iglesias 32) Gabriel Iglesias

he is so funny... I love his jokes he should be on the top.. and for the record hes not fat hes FLUFFY!

Hilarious FLUFFY guy! Pee-in-my-pants funny! Check out his krispy kreme doughnut bit on youtube.

"But it was funny wasn’t it?" Funny stuff

Vote for Louis C. K. 33) Louis C. K.

This guy is hilarious. Go watch him on You Tube or something.

rocknrolla

Louis CK is amazing. Best and most experience stand up comedian there is. He is easily the most underrated Stand Up artist ever. This is the guy Dane Cook stole jokes from people. That says it all.

No comedian has made me laugh harder than Louis C.K. I’m talking about genuine gut-busting laughter that made my eyes water and stomach double over in pain.

Vote for Ricky Gervais 34) Ricky Gervais

Pure genious!

megafillan

Vote for Larry The Cable Guy 35) Larry The Cable Guy

"My sister is covered with moles..."

Love him, yep, yep I love Him Done the right way!

Haha I love Larry The Cable Guy, Because My cousin’s husband is from the South and acts just like him, and looks just like him. If you saw them side by side at the bar you would think they were brother’s tryin to pick up the hot waitresses saying We’ll Get Her Done! Wink Wink and then turns around with a cigar in their mouth.

Vote for Jeff Foxworthy 36) Jeff Foxworthy

’If you own a home with wheels on it and several cars without, you just might be a redneck.’

HES SOO FUNNY

VIKKI

"If you go to the Family Reunion to meet women, you might be a Redneck..."

walter34

Vote for Rodney Dangerfield 37) Rodney Dangerfield

Without Rodney, you would have never heard of your boy at the top. Time for that respect!

He should be top 10 for sure

absolutely funny. I still watch his movies. His sense of humor is special.

Vote for Doug Stanhope 38) Doug Stanhope

"Only in America can you get charged $5 for pleasing yourself! "

Doug is brilliant !

Vote for Lisa Lampanelli 39) Lisa Lampanelli

She’s better than Dane Cook! c’mon be real! All hail the Queen of Mean! =)

she dosent care what u say she is herself and proud about it she had me rolling on the floor love her!!!

Vote for Jim Carrey 40) Jim Carrey

Besy physical comedian of all time. His facial expressions and actions are out of this world!

Best comedian EVER! He does’nt just do it for us in his movies, he does it for all his co-actors! Unlike Eddie Murphy:(

Vote for Ross Noble 41) Ross Noble

Mr RANDOMINATION, he’s a genius

Vote for Chris Titus 42) Chris Titus

I randomly found this guy and he is hilarious. I think he should be higher.

He’s hilarious. I want to get a DVD of him so that I can watch him over and over and over again!

Vote for Rodney Carrington 43) Rodney Carrington

Hands down the funniest man alive. He can make anything funny...and yet he can relate to anyone out there. That’s his strength

Rodney deserves at least top 20. Just watch his Live at the Majestic performance and you’ll agree.

Vote for Kathy Griffin 44) Kathy Griffin

My niece and nephew are here for the weekend. It’s time to act like I like kids.

mcmahon

Vote for Ron White 45) Ron White

Best border-line alcoholic in the biz.

He Rocks! My Humor!

He’s funny when he’s up on stage holdin his beverages.

Vote for Patton Oswalt 46) Patton Oswalt

he is the best..

Vote for Bill Bailey 47) Bill Bailey

Bill is the best comedian ever! I went to see his Part Troll show, and I nearly fell out of my chair laughing!

my mind is starting to unravel, like a tapestry and some angry KITTENS!

Vote for Emo Phillips 48) Emo Phillips

’A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.’

Vote for Margaret Cho 49) Margaret Cho

"Asian Chicken Salad......Asian Chicken Salad......*gulp*....Chicken Salad...."

Vote for Denis Leary 50) Denis Leary

He is deff ranked too low. He is by far a top 10, maybe not number 1 but deff top 10!

Vote for Sam Kinison 51) Sam Kinison

best of his time

Vote for Cedric The Entertainer 52) Cedric The Entertainer

come on now cedirc is one of the best if you dont knock this list off cause this is bull

Vote for Mike Birbiglia 53) Mike Birbiglia

cracker please

DeathToMayo

"I went to a dance club the other night, which was timely, because my self-esteem had been hovering around normal and I’d been meaning to knock it down to -1000. "

"I went to the doctor the other day and they told me there was something in my bladder. But it’s never anything good, like, we found something... aaaand it’s season tickets to the Yankees! "

Vote for Dylan Moran 54) Dylan Moran

muscle-achingly funny

Awesome humor.

Vote for Tommy Tiernan 55) Tommy Tiernan

a natural observasionalist.

Pure comedy genius. No one can tell a story like him and generate so many laughs before the punch line.

Vote for Dave Attell 56) Dave Attell

Not just an insomniac. Hysterical.

Vote for Bill Burr 57) Bill Burr

He is frikin hilarious! You must see at least one of his acts.

Vote for Arnez J 58) Arnez J

I couldn’t breathe listening to him because was laughing so hard

he is so funny

Vote for Ralphie May 59) Ralphie May

Always FUNNY!

"Where’s my ’shut the hell up’ cards?"

"I saw a bullet today...that stands for bald mullet. I also saw a f’mullet, the female mullet. That’s like the unicorn of mullets, you don’t see that very often."

"Word of advice for men. You can either be right...or you can be happy."

Vote for Sinbad 60) Sinbad

The best standup comedian of alltime. Comedy Central used to air his specials, and two of them are the funniest I’ve ever seen.

He’s the funniest guy living on this planet!

Vote for Stephen Lynch 61) Stephen Lynch

No quotes for this singing comedian. This guy deserves to be in the top ten. Every one of his songs has me rolling on the floor, and he’s great at improvising.

Vote for Frank Caliendo 62) Frank Caliendo

frank is one of the best comedians out there! top ten for sure!

wow, he should definitely be higher

Frank’s comedy is brilliant and I can’t wait to actually see him live!

Vote for Noel Fielding 63) Noel Fielding

Pure funny madness

Vote for Bill Engval 64) Bill Engval

here’s your sign....

Vote for Robert Schimmel 65) Robert Schimmel

Definately top 10

Vote for Bernie Mac 66) Bernie Mac

One of the original kings of camedy, if hes act was 45 mints, then u’ll get a punch line of 45 mints......what ever that means!

Vote for Jim Norton 67) Jim Norton

Jimmy Norton is filthy, disgusting, offensive, and down right hilarious.

Vote for David Cross 68) David Cross

having kids isnt hard. talking your girlfriend in to her 3rd consecutive abortion, now that takes finesse.

Vote for Mitch Fatel 69) Mitch Fatel

This guy is "thuh best"!!!

Hilarious. In my opinion, funniest comedian today.

Vote for Owen Benjamin 70) Owen Benjamin

He’s got the best videos on myspace! You gotta check him out!

Love this guy!

"Astrology is like Dungeons & Dragons for chics, except the difference is the D & D kids knew it wasn’t real. Ya know, like you’ll never see a D & D kid at a bar like, "I’m not gonna date her, she’s like a 9th level wizard with four hit points- Yeah, like I’d do that again!"

Vote for Jack Dee 71) Jack Dee

Funniest guy i have ever heard

Vote for Kyle Cease 72) Kyle Cease

Vote for Artie Lange 73) Artie Lange

Artie is hilarious. Quick witted and great on the Howard Stern Show. He is honest and NOT pc. so refreshing.

funniest guy in the game today he’s blown up in both his career and stomach

Vote for Redd Foxx 74) Redd Foxx

" Now Esther they should’ve run over your face"

Vote for Dat Phan 75) Dat Phan

freakkkkin hilarious asian boy

Funny asian man, who nobody knows about

Vote for Lenny Bruce 76) Lenny Bruce

Just about all the comedians on this list owe a little bit to Lenny for pushing the boundaries of free speech.

Vote for Bill Maher 77) Bill Maher

Vote for Jon Stewart 78) Jon Stewart

funniest stand-up I’ve seen, covers every aspect of society in the funniest way possible

Vote for Dave Allen 79) Dave Allen

One of the innovators of the genre. Loved all over the world. The guy really was a genius and is sadly missed. And may your god go with you.

Vote for Will Weldon 80) Will Weldon

friggin hilarious

rockman

Vote for Joe Rogan 81) Joe Rogan

Joe Rogan is definitely the best. He discusses real issues and not the typical everyday gender and race jokes.

"Some of the funniest comedy bits I’ve seen...you need to youtube him, he calls out Carlos Mencia for taking other peoples’ jokes"

Vote for Heywood Banks 82) Heywood Banks

an absolute riot

You gotta see in person

Vote for Jim Breuer 83) Jim Breuer

His Sirius radio show is best comedy show I have ever heard.

Vote for D.L. Hughley 84) D.L. Hughley

he’s da best stand-up comedian..i have ever seen! his jokes are off da hook

Vote for Laura Prosko 85) Laura Prosko

Very clever jokes! Talented host and comedienne! Very funny lady!

Vote for Russell Howard 86) Russell Howard

his 6 music podcast is well worth a download. very funny

What? Russ hasn’t reached here to hack/ bribe/ magically change the utter untruth that he would rate 68th on this list? The reincarnate of Peter Pan deserves more that that! Like a pat on the head and 6

freakin hilarious
"who did this to you?...umm dragons"

Vote for Louie Anderson 87) Louie Anderson

My feeling is Louie Anderson, is the most funny comic, that ever lived. I love louie and want to always be on his side. He’s the best now and forever.
Much love to lou, and many prayers.

Vote for Brett Butler 88) Brett Butler

Intelligent, insightful, inspiring and just plain in-your-face. If she were a man I bet she’d be further up the list. As it is, she was not even considered herein. So I registered just to add Ms. Brett because she’s absolutely hilarious! Hope to see more of her here in the near future.

One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine? "

"It depends, " I replied. "What does it say on your shirt? "

He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma. "

And they say blondes are dumb...



A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world. "

The woman replies, "I’ll miss you... "



"It’s just too hot to wear clothes today, " Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, "honey, what do you think the neighbours would think if I mowed the lawn like this? "

"Probably that I married you for your money, " she replied.



He said - Shall we try swapping positions tonight?

She said - That’s a good idea... you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart.



Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?

A: A rumour



Q: Why do little boys whine?

A: They are practicing to be men.



Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?

A: Trustworthy.



Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?

A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.



Q: Why do female black widow spiders kill their males after mating?

A: To stop the snoring before it starts.



Q: Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet?

A: It helps them remember which end they need to wipe.



Q: What is the difference between men and women?

A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.



Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?

A: Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals"

Vote for J. Medicine Hat 89) J. Medicine Hat

Vote for Neil Delamere 90) Neil Delamere

Probably never heard of him but hilarious

Vote for Carl Hurley 91) Carl Hurley

If I could invite 2 guys to my house for Dinner, and one could NOT be Jesus, then the other one WOULD be Carl Hurley.

Pretty old school, but awesome clean humor. Easily one of the funniest old timers out there.

Pretty old school, but awesome clean humor. Easily one of the funniest old timers out there.

Vote for Omid Djalili 92) Omid Djalili

I think he’s the funniest. Absolutely loved his recent shows on the BBC. Even if he doesn’t speak, his face is funny enough to laugh at.

hilarius iranian comedian

Vote for Dawn French 93) Dawn French

Funny Woman!!!!

Vote for Russell Brand 94) Russell Brand

he is a genius!
’I did make the tiny mistake, on september the 12th as going to work, at MTV, dressed as a certain Osama Bin Laden... ’

Vote for Tim Conway 95) Tim Conway

Vote for Kevin James 96) Kevin James

"I went waterskiing and I found out that I scream the exact same if a great white attacks me...or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.

That’s a moment I want back right there, ’GET ME IN THE BOAT!’

’Why?’

’YUCKY TOES!’

Sweat the Small Stuff - watch it! Hilariousness. Material, facial expressions, delivery... all of it is on point.

Vote for Judy Gold 97) Judy Gold

Vote for John Bizarre 98) John Bizarre

Extremely entertaining!!!

Vote for David A. Arnold 99) David A. Arnold

Definitely one of the top 10 funniest comedians.

One of the best up and coming Comedians I’ve seen.

Vote for Woody Allen 100) Woody Allen

I was kicked out of college for cheating on my Metaphysics exam. I peered into the soul of the boy sitting next to me. - Woody Allen


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