The Funniest Stand-up Comedians

Who REALLY makes you bust-a-gut laughing. Don't agree with the list? Vote for an existing item you think should be ranked higher or if you are a logged in, add a new item for others to vote on.

Vote for Russell Peters 1) Russell Peters

YES! I’m so glad at least some people on this site have great taste! Deservedly no. 1

AymanKabir

"DO I LOOK LIKE RYAN’S MOTHER? "

FilipeDmg

LMFAO! SOMEBODY GONNA GET A HURT REAL BAD! THIRTY FOUR FIFTY!

Marcopwnzatdrums


Vote for George Carlin 2) George Carlin

How is Russell Peters number one? there’s a reason he only had 5 or 6 specials. he’s above average at best. he’s the 250th greatest at best. Carlin is the true #1. over 50 years of genius. never got old for a minute (materialwise) R.I.P. to the funniest, smartest man ever

jbeach91

best ever

chiaotzu33

george carlin is one guy who knew what he was talking about. the funniest man to have ever lived. everyone around him on this list should feel ashamed to be in his presence. he will be missed.

deadgrass27


Vote for Jerry Seinfeld 3) Jerry Seinfeld

There’s very little advice in men’s magazines, because men don’t think there’s a lot they don’t know. Women do. Women want to learn. Men think, ’I know what I’m doing, just show me somebody naked.’

Awesome.

PotBellyPup

He should so be # 1.

Lacrosse4Life


Vote for Dane Cook 4) Dane Cook

"YOUR AN F-N RIOT!"

"I’d like to be a fireman but if I came to a house on fire... ’F**K It I quit! ’ And I would just watch it burn with everyone else... then some lady would come up to me and say ’help my son! He’s screaming in there! ’ ’Well he’s probably on fire’" greatest joke I’ve heard.

spartan32177

what a funny guy loved him in the "employee of the month"

7beach77


Vote for Dave Chappelle 5) Dave Chappelle

the man is freckying HILARIOUS:>

Thekla24

Im Rick James B****

kennymcor

I love his impressions of other people, they are hilarious.

delorierose


Vote for Katt Williams 6) Katt Williams

he is so funny... pimp chronicles

JESSIEMEN

He should be #1

Katt Williams is one of the funniest comedians ever. If you haven’t seen american hustle then thats why he isn’t number one vote him up there


Vote for Mike Ward 7) Mike Ward

Your the best ♥

ve

Hilarious in french and in english... the #1 stand-up comic in the world!

A Very Good stand up commedian...

VIK


Vote for Mitch Hedberg 8) Mitch Hedberg

’Fettucini alfredo is macaroni and cheese for adults.’

The way he emphasizes the weirdest words is just hilarious, and he’s the best curser I’ve ever heard.

petoria

Elavators can never break...... they can only become stairs.

BKAllmighty


Vote for Robin Williams 9) Robin Williams

’We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.’

The funniest on this list bar none so why is #10?

fireinside96

the golf skit had me laughing my ass off

sUx2Bu


Vote for Chris Rock 10) Chris Rock

hilarious!

GlonnAtronnAdonnAdict

He can always make me laugh and put a smile on my face!!

now i have a kid is nothing cuz even "roaches have kids too" i looked my daughter in the eye and relized my goal in parenting is to keep her off the poll!!


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Choices Not In The Top Ten

Vote for Steve Martin 11) Steve Martin

I gave my cat a bath the other day. . .they love it. He sat there, he enjoyed it, it was fun for me. The fur would stick to my tongue, but other than that. . .

Vote for Eddie Izzard 12) Eddie Izzard

possibly the greatest stand up ever. I really want this guy higher

Cantonez

fish in the sky and a big monkey pie...

he is simply the best!!! Can’t bloody belive that he ain’t in the top ten! He should be nr. 1! CAKE OR DEATH!

Vote for Brian Regan 13) Brian Regan

Chicken pot pie: my 3 favorite things...

greatwallofseb

This man is the funniest comedian I have ever seen.

Back Seat! Feet on the Hump!

Vote for Richard Pryor 14) Richard Pryor

How is Richard Pryor freaking 14? Really nobody on this entire list is as funny as Pryor...I truly don’t get it

ahaleysr

Everybody should watch him before voting to others. Still laughing 1 month after hearing his jokes haha

BigZ

How in the world he is not in the top 3 is way beyond belief IMHO.

RonvaeW

Vote for Jeff Dunham 15) Jeff Dunham

he is better than number 14!
way better kiss my A** funny

basetwins

amazing

nbaallstar

no one can beat him, he’s hilarious with his puppets.

hammett45

Vote for Bill Hicks 16) Bill Hicks

How can Jeff Dunham get voted higher up than Bill Hicks? If Hicks was still alive, I’m sure that he’d draw a comparison between what’s wrong with society & the fact that Dunham had a #1 show... it’s like American Gladiator’s all over again (lol). "We’re a virus with shoes, ok?" Lines like that were absolute & complete geniusness at a level that will never be reached again.

MisterK

The only reason he’s not in the top 5 is because he died to early and many people didn’t see him. The most thought-provoking comedian ever? He was a genius.

corebare32

I’m shocked that he’s behind dane cook
but he is the best ever
open your third eye

blaqksails92

Vote for Lee Evans 17) Lee Evans

best comedian ever should be number 1

zach3495

has played in one of the largest stadiums in the world and is immensely funny... if this were a British site he would be higher up

Jonuskong

legend

FOSTER69a

Vote for Demetri Martin 18) Demetri Martin

You know, guts and balls can mean the same thing up to a point. You could say ’that guy has guts/balls’. What you can’t say is ’You know, I have a ball feeling’

fimbulwinter

"A mobile home with no tires is a home"

aman28

I used to play sports. But then I found out you can buy trophies. Now I’m good at everything...

jbar62

Vote for Jim Gaffigan 19) Jim Gaffigan

There is the vegetarian Hot Pocket for those of us who don’t want to eat meat, but would still like diarrhea.

Pitcher97

Im A Manatee

No Your A Sea Cow

ANGELWARHEAD

his general attitude towards everything is the best

Vote for Eddie Murphy 20) Eddie Murphy

with no doubt one of the greatest comedian

MatrixGuy

Eddie Murphy no second thought. All these people don’t know what comedy is and have to do insults and putdowns just to make them seem funny, Eddie Murphy is naturally funny. Don’t believe me check out some of his programs mentioning some like Beverly Hills Cop 1,2, and 3. He is awesome and has been doing it strong and well for more than 20 years. Will Smith is great as well.

Undertaker15-0

Should Be at least in the Top Ten if not in the Top Five

Vote for Lewis Black 21) Lewis Black

If it weren’t for my horse, I never would have spent that year in college.

Great energy... the funniest "critic"... ever... he speaks the truth while bein’ pssed off... he’s hilarious

schmidyschmidybangbang

Love the attitude, love the guy

Mickthecook

Vote for Gabriel Iglesias 22) Gabriel Iglesias

he is so funny... I love his jokes he should be on the top.. and for the record hes not fat hes FLUFFY!

Hilarious FLUFFY guy! Pee-in-my-pants funny! Check out his krispy kreme doughnut bit on youtube.

"But it was funny wasn’t it?" Funny stuff

Vote for Pablo Francisco 23) Pablo Francisco

you have to watch him to get the most laughs!

who did not vote for him he don’t know him.

he is defenetely one of the best 5 comedians EVER..."what eveeer"...lol.. is not stand up, it’s impressionation, sound effects, faces, the whole-nine-yards.....i guess people need to wath him....

Vote for Daniel Tosh 24) Daniel Tosh

tosh is awesome... btw is that you daniel tosh? saying you deserve #1? it just sounds like something he’d do.. wwdd (what would daniel do) home pregnency test of course!

myopinionactaulycounts

he should be #1.

just great

Vote for Ellen Degeneres 25) Ellen Degeneres

My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She’s ninety-seven now, and we don’t know where the hell she is.

should be number one

ilovekelly75

I can’t believe she is number 14! SHE’S SO FUNNY, I LAUGH MY ASS OFF EVERY TIME I WATCH HER STAND-UPS!

Vote for George Lopez 26) George Lopez

can’t stop making me laugh

armedfed

he’s probably the funniest mofo I will ever see

shamus94

Funniest Dude Alive

smosh28lollipop

Vote for Billy Connolly 27) Billy Connolly

’Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit.’

Billy Connelly is one of the oldest comedians on the list and he still is the best!

Madman

billy connolly is the funniest man alive, the only reason he isn’t number 1 in most charts is because some americans and australians don’t get some of his jokes.

Vote for Louis C. K. 28) Louis C. K.

This guy is hilarious. Go watch him on You Tube or something.

rocknrolla

Louis CK is amazing. Best and most experience stand up comedian there is. He is easily the most underrated Stand Up artist ever. This is the guy Dane Cook stole jokes from people. That says it all.

No comedian has made me laugh harder than Louis C.K. I’m talking about genuine gut-busting laughter that made my eyes water and stomach double over in pain.

Vote for Ricky Gervais 29) Ricky Gervais

I can’t believe he’s not in the top ten! I haven’t even heard of any of the comedians that are in the top ten. He’s way funnier than Eddie Izzard or Jimmy carr combined the fact that has less votes than them is insulting

samm1

Pure genious!

megafillan

Vote for Bill Cosby 30) Bill Cosby

All he did was stand up there and tell stories, but they were the best stories we have ever heard. Every story he tells is relevant to real life and he is able to get you belly laughing without resorting to obscenity. Truly a class act.

He’s the only good CLEAN comedian

masterwoods

Cosby is top 5 hands! down how is dane cook ahead of him? Cook is possibly the worst

Chris-1

Vote for Carlos Mencia 31) Carlos Mencia

funniest beaner ever

shamus94

I think he’s the funniest.

"Dee Dee Dee"

Vote for Steven Wright 32) Steven Wright

’A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of widths.’

I named my dog stay. He went insane. Come here, Stay.
That’s pure absurdity and at the same time, pure genius.

walter34

Steven Wright -No One Thinks from outside the box as Steven. He uses words and verbal images that make you think, Steven toss out an handgrenade and waits for it to go off, then 3-2-1 oh you got it. Master of controling the Audience.

Vote for Doug Stanhope 33) Doug Stanhope

"Only in America can you get charged $5 for pleasing yourself! "

Doug is brilliant !

Vote for John Pinette 34) John Pinette

love his dvd I’m starvin

gunsnroses44

John pinette should be much much higher. He is easily the funniest man on the face of the earth!

He’s not under rated as far as I can tell. His summer tour started in January, and did about half the year of shows. I’m trying to see him December 2007 in Las Vegas, but he is not doing any shows, and I think he’s on vacation. I would want to be if I toured half the year. Though he is the most famous, in the sense of Jerry Seinfield, he will one day if he’s ever on television series or in a movie. And who knows, maybe John perfers to not be extra ordinary famous, and prefers only to be famously talented famous. Love him!

Vote for Jim Carrey 35) Jim Carrey

SO FUNNY! OF DUMB AND DUMBER, AND HOW DID numetalhead GET AWAY WITH SAYING bitch ON DAVE CHAPPELLE NUMBER 5 ON THIS LIST? OMG I GOT AWAY WITH IT TOO WOHO!

Thomas245

Best comedian ever! I GOT THE POWER...

JonathanMartini1231

He is the best from Hollywood

MatrixGuy

Vote for Jimmy Carr 36) Jimmy Carr

Everyones talking about the Sex-Offenders register, personally I Don’t even think they should be in School

Miles101

Jimmy Carr is a legend, should be No.1

"I don’t use Votophone because I don’t like their advertising slogan- Join the world’s largest mobile community.. Correct me if I’m wrong... That’s the gypsies."

Vote for Nick Swardson 37) Nick Swardson

His stand-up had me laughing for an hour. I love him, I couldn’t even pick one quote. Great stories :)

Nick Swardson, Omg- I want to marry that man- hes so hiarious! how can he not be in the top 10??

i really have no idea how hes not on here. hes one of the best along with brian regean, demetri martin and jim gaffigan

Vote for Lisa Lampanelli 38) Lisa Lampanelli

She’s better than Dane Cook! c’mon be real! All hail the Queen of Mean! =)

she dosent care what u say she is herself and proud about it she had me rolling on the floor love her!!!

Vote for Ross Noble 39) Ross Noble

legend

FOSTER69a

Mr RANDOMINATION, he’s a genius

Vote for Patton Oswalt 40) Patton Oswalt

he is the best..

Vote for Dylan Moran 41) Dylan Moran

he is great.

selftitled

muscle-achingly funny

Awesome humor.

Vote for Rodney Carrington 42) Rodney Carrington

hahaha so hilarious

Okami

I love him xD

Bec

Hands down the funniest man alive. He can make anything funny...and yet he can relate to anyone out there. That’s his strength

Vote for Bernie Mac 43) Bernie Mac

One of the original kings of camedy, if hes act was 45 mints, then u’ll get a punch line of 45 mints......what ever that means!

Vote for Rodney Dangerfield 44) Rodney Dangerfield

Without Rodney, you would have never heard of your boy at the top. Time for that respect!

He should be top 10 for sure

absolutely funny. I still watch his movies. His sense of humor is special.

Vote for Larry The Cable Guy 45) Larry The Cable Guy

Haha I love Larry The Cable Guy, Because My cousin’s husband is from the South and acts just like him, and looks just like him. If you saw them side by side at the bar you would think they were brother’s tryin to pick up the hot waitresses saying We’ll Get Her Done! Wink Wink and then turns around with a cigar in their mouth.

Love him, yep, yep I love Him Done the right way!

"My sister is covered with moles..."

Vote for Kathy Griffin 46) Kathy Griffin

She kicks ass and doesn’t regret a single remark about it.

sailor86

suck it jesus, Kathy Griffin is my god now!

tommy21

My niece and nephew are here for the weekend. It’s time to act like I like kids.

mcmahon

Vote for Mike Birbiglia 47) Mike Birbiglia

cracker please

DeathToMayo

"I went to a dance club the other night, which was timely, because my self-esteem had been hovering around normal and I’d been meaning to knock it down to -1000. "

"I went to the doctor the other day and they told me there was something in my bladder. But it’s never anything good, like, we found something... aaaand it’s season tickets to the Yankees! "

Vote for Ron White 48) Ron White

Best border-line alcoholic in the biz.

He Rocks! My Humor!

He’s funny when he’s up on stage holdin his beverages.

Vote for Bill Burr 49) Bill Burr

He is frikin hilarious! You must see at least one of his acts.

Vote for Ralphie May 50) Ralphie May

Always FUNNY!

"Where’s my ’shut the hell up’ cards?"

"I saw a bullet today...that stands for bald mullet. I also saw a f’mullet, the female mullet. That’s like the unicorn of mullets, you don’t see that very often."

"Word of advice for men. You can either be right...or you can be happy."

Vote for Frank Caliendo 51) Frank Caliendo

frank is one of the best comedians out there! top ten for sure!

wow, he should definitely be higher

Frank’s comedy is brilliant and I can’t wait to actually see him live!

Vote for Chris Titus 52) Chris Titus

I randomly found this guy and he is hilarious. I think he should be higher.

He’s hilarious. I want to get a DVD of him so that I can watch him over and over and over again!

Vote for Stephen Lynch 53) Stephen Lynch

No quotes for this singing comedian. This guy deserves to be in the top ten. Every one of his songs has me rolling on the floor, and he’s great at improvising.

Vote for Arnez J 54) Arnez J

I couldn’t breathe listening to him because was laughing so hard

he is so funny

Vote for Don Rickles 55) Don Rickles

Vote for Cedric The Entertainer 56) Cedric The Entertainer

no 1 in the world ppl, just think twice

sello

come on now cedirc is one of the best if you dont knock this list off cause this is bull

Vote for Denis Leary 57) Denis Leary

He is deff ranked too low. He is by far a top 10, maybe not number 1 but deff top 10!

Vote for Sam Kinison 58) Sam Kinison

Rodney Dangerfield once called the funniest stand-up comic working. Now THAT’s respect!

best of his time

Vote for Robert Schimmel 59) Robert Schimmel

Definately top 10

Vote for Bill Maher 60) Bill Maher

Vote for Jeff Foxworthy 61) Jeff Foxworthy

’If you own a home with wheels on it and several cars without, you just might be a redneck.’

HES SOO FUNNY

VIKKI

"If you go to the Family Reunion to meet women, you might be a Redneck..."

walter34

Vote for Tommy Tiernan 62) Tommy Tiernan

a natural observasionalist.

Pure comedy genius. No one can tell a story like him and generate so many laughs before the punch line.

Vote for Bill Bailey 63) Bill Bailey

Bill is the best comedian ever! I went to see his Part Troll show, and I nearly fell out of my chair laughing!

my mind is starting to unravel, like a tapestry and some angry KITTENS!

Vote for David Cross 64) David Cross

having kids isnt hard. talking your girlfriend in to her 3rd consecutive abortion, now that takes finesse.

Vote for Kyle Cease 65) Kyle Cease

"I hate the pillsbury dough boy. He watches cookies getting baked and gets all excited. Those are his FRIENDS in there for God sake!"

aman28

Definitely a very VERY funny man!

Vote for Russell Howard 66) Russell Howard

he rules on Mock The Wek and his good news program on bbc3

joezz01

his 6 music podcast is well worth a download. very funny

Vote for Margaret Cho 67) Margaret Cho

"Asian Chicken Salad......Asian Chicken Salad......*gulp*....Chicken Salad...."

Vote for Bill Engval 68) Bill Engval

here’s your sign....

Vote for Dave Attell 69) Dave Attell

Not just an insomniac. Hysterical.

Vote for Emo Phillips 70) Emo Phillips

’A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.’

Vote for Sinbad 71) Sinbad

The best standup comedian of alltime. Comedy Central used to air his specials, and two of them are the funniest I’ve ever seen.

He’s the funniest guy living on this planet!

Vote for Noel Fielding 72) Noel Fielding

Pure funny madness

Vote for Jim Norton 73) Jim Norton

Yes! Jimmy and ol’ Lisa Lampanelli are my absolute favs. I watch ’Monster Rain’ at least once a week... and still laugh.

suthrnbell0105

Jimmy Norton is filthy, disgusting, offensive, and down right hilarious.

Vote for Russell Brand 74) Russell Brand

he is a genius!
’I did make the tiny mistake, on september the 12th as going to work, at MTV, dressed as a certain Osama Bin Laden... ’

Vote for Joe Rogan 75) Joe Rogan

Joe Rogan is definitely the best. He discusses real issues and not the typical everyday gender and race jokes.

"Some of the funniest comedy bits I’ve seen...you need to youtube him, he calls out Carlos Mencia for taking other peoples’ jokes"

Vote for Mitch Fatel 76) Mitch Fatel

This guy is "thuh best"!!!

Hilarious. In my opinion, funniest comedian today.

Vote for Dave Allen 77) Dave Allen

One of the innovators of the genre. Loved all over the world. The guy really was a genius and is sadly missed. And may your god go with you.

Vote for Michael McIntyre 78) Michael McIntyre

This man is AMAZING!

lauren_o_O

Vote for Jack Dee 79) Jack Dee

Funniest guy i have ever heard

Vote for Jon Stewart 80) Jon Stewart

funniest stand-up I’ve seen, covers every aspect of society in the funniest way possible

Vote for D.L. Hughley 81) D.L. Hughley

he’s da best stand-up comedian..i have ever seen! his jokes are off da hook

Vote for Norm MacDonald 82) Norm MacDonald

Funniest man ever.

Vote for Lenny Bruce 83) Lenny Bruce

Just about all the comedians on this list owe a little bit to Lenny for pushing the boundaries of free speech.

Vote for Omid Djalili 84) Omid Djalili

I think he’s the funniest. Absolutely loved his recent shows on the BBC. Even if he doesn’t speak, his face is funny enough to laugh at.

hilarius iranian comedian

Vote for Chelsea Handler 85) Chelsea Handler

Vote for John Caparulo 86) John Caparulo

"He is hilarious"

aman28

Vote for Andrew Dice Clay 87) Andrew Dice Clay

Vote for Kevin James 88) Kevin James

"I went waterskiing and I found out that I scream the exact same if a great white attacks me...or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.

That’s a moment I want back right there, ’GET ME IN THE BOAT!’

’Why?’

’YUCKY TOES!’

Sweat the Small Stuff - watch it! Hilariousness. Material, facial expressions, delivery... all of it is on point.

Vote for Tim Conway 89) Tim Conway

Vote for Jim Breuer 90) Jim Breuer

His Sirius radio show is best comedy show I have ever heard.

Vote for Artie Lange 91) Artie Lange

Artie is hilarious. Quick witted and great on the Howard Stern Show. He is honest and NOT pc. so refreshing.

funniest guy in the game today he’s blown up in both his career and stomach

Vote for Redd Foxx 92) Redd Foxx

" Now Esther they should’ve run over your face"

Vote for Brett Butler 93) Brett Butler

Intelligent, insightful, inspiring and just plain in-your-face. If she were a man I bet she’d be further up the list. As it is, she was not even considered herein. So I registered just to add Ms. Brett because she’s absolutely hilarious! Hope to see more of her here in the near future.

One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine? "

"It depends, " I replied. "What does it say on your shirt? "

He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma. "

And they say blondes are dumb...



A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world. "

The woman replies, "I’ll miss you... "



"It’s just too hot to wear clothes today, " Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, "honey, what do you think the neighbours would think if I mowed the lawn like this? "

"Probably that I married you for your money, " she replied.



He said - Shall we try swapping positions tonight?

She said - That’s a good idea... you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart.



Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?

A: A rumour



Q: Why do little boys whine?

A: They are practicing to be men.



Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?

A: Trustworthy.



Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?

A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.



Q: Why do female black widow spiders kill their males after mating?

A: To stop the snoring before it starts.



Q: Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet?

A: It helps them remember which end they need to wipe.



Q: What is the difference between men and women?

A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.



Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?

A: Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals"

Vote for Carl Hurley 94) Carl Hurley

If I could invite 2 guys to my house for Dinner, and one could NOT be Jesus, then the other one WOULD be Carl Hurley.

Pretty old school, but awesome clean humor. Easily one of the funniest old timers out there.

Pretty old school, but awesome clean humor. Easily one of the funniest old timers out there.

Vote for Woody Allen 95) Woody Allen

"He told me the meaning of life but he told it to me in Hebrew. I told him I don’t understand Hebrew. Now he wants to charge me $600 for Hebrew lessons."

Gaspar

I was kicked out of college for cheating on my Metaphysics exam. I peered into the soul of the boy sitting next to me. - Woody Allen

Vote for Dawn French 96) Dawn French

Funny Woman!!!!

Vote for Owen Benjamin 97) Owen Benjamin

He’s got the best videos on myspace! You gotta check him out!

Love this guy!

"Astrology is like Dungeons & Dragons for chics, except the difference is the D & D kids knew it wasn’t real. Ya know, like you’ll never see a D & D kid at a bar like, "I’m not gonna date her, she’s like a 9th level wizard with four hit points- Yeah, like I’d do that again!"

Vote for Dat Phan 98) Dat Phan

has they best impressions HANDS DOWN

freakkkkin hilarious asian boy

Funny asian man, who nobody knows about

Vote for J. Medicine Hat 99) J. Medicine Hat

Vote for Laura Prosko 100) Laura Prosko

Very clever jokes! Talented host and comedienne! Very funny lady!