Best Simpsons Quotes

The best quotes from the wittiest and most quotable show on television. Don't agree with the list? Place your vote or if you are a logged in, add a new item for others to vote on.

Vote for "Well, he’s kind of had it in for me ever since I accidentally ran over his dog. Actually, replace ’accidentally’ with ’repeatedly’ and replace ’dog’ with ’son.’" - Lionel Hutz 1) "Well, he’s kind of had it in for me ever since I accidentally ran over his dog. Actually, replace ’accidentally’ with ’repeatedly’ and replace ’dog’ with ’son.’" - Lionel Hutz


Vote for "I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals flaming." - Homer Simpson 2) "I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals flaming." - Homer Simpson


Vote for "Bonjour, you cheese-eating surrender-monkeys!" - Willie 3) "Bonjour, you cheese-eating surrender-monkeys!" - Willie


Vote for "Just once I'd like someone to call me 'Sir' without adding 'You're making a scene.'" - Homer Simpson 4) "Just once I'd like someone to call me 'Sir' without adding 'You're making a scene.'" - Homer Simpson


Vote for "Me fail English? That’s unpossible!" - Ralph Wiggum 5) "Me fail English? That’s unpossible!" - Ralph Wiggum


Vote for "Well, I'm better than dirt. Well, most kinds of dirt. I mean not that fancy store bought dirt. That stuffs loaded with nutrients. I... I can't compete with that stuff." - Moe Szyslak 6) "Well, I'm better than dirt. Well, most kinds of dirt. I mean not that fancy store bought dirt. That stuffs loaded with nutrients. I... I can't compete with that stuff." - Moe Szyslak


Vote for “Owww look at me Marge, I’m making people Happy! I’m the magical man, from Happy Land, who lives in a gumdrop house on Lolly Pop Lane!!!!...... By the way I was being sarcastic...” - Homer Simpson 7) “Owww look at me Marge, I’m making people Happy! I’m the magical man, from Happy Land, who lives in a gumdrop house on Lolly Pop Lane!!!!...... By the way I was being sarcastic...” - Homer Simpson


Vote for "They call them fingers but I?ve never seen them fing...Oh, there they go." - Otto the Bus Driver 8) "They call them fingers but I?ve never seen them fing...Oh, there they go." - Otto the Bus Driver


Vote for "I used to be with it. But then they changed what it was. Now what I'm with isn't it, and what's it seems scary and wierd. It'll happen to you." - Abe Simpson 9) "I used to be with it. But then they changed what it was. Now what I'm with isn't it, and what's it seems scary and wierd. It'll happen to you." - Abe Simpson


Vote for "Oh, people can come up with statistics to prove anything, Kent. 14% of people know that." - Homer Simpson 10) "Oh, people can come up with statistics to prove anything, Kent. 14% of people know that." - Homer Simpson


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Choices Not In The Top Ten

Vote for "Doh" - Homer Simpson 11) "Doh" - Homer Simpson

“#1”

idolangelx13

“Classic Line”

Vote for "If cartoons were meant for adults, they'd put them on in prime time." - Lisa Simpson 12) "If cartoons were meant for adults, they'd put them on in prime time." - Lisa Simpson

Vote for "Hello, my name is mister Burns, I believe you have a letter for me." [P.O. Worker: "Ok Mr. Burns, what's your first name?"] "I don't know..." - Homer Simpson 13) "Hello, my name is mister Burns, I believe you have a letter for me." [P.O. Worker: "Ok Mr. Burns, what's your first name?"] "I don't know..." - Homer Simpson

Vote for "You’ll have to speak up, I’m wearing a towel." - Homer Simpson, when on the phone 14) "You’ll have to speak up, I’m wearing a towel." - Homer Simpson, when on the phone

Vote for "What do you think, Marge? All I need is a title. I was thinking something like "No TV and No Beer Make Homer Something Something." [Marge: Go Crazy?] "Don't mind if I do!" (goes crazy) - Homer Simpson 15) "What do you think, Marge? All I need is a title. I was thinking something like "No TV and No Beer Make Homer Something Something." [Marge: Go Crazy?] "Don't mind if I do!" (goes crazy) - Homer Simpson

“LOL XD Homer is a legende”

Snowflake1992

“BEST. HALLOWEEN QUOTE. EVER.”

Vote for "Oooh, so Mother Nature needs a favor?! Well maybe she should have thought of that when she was besetting us with droughts and floods and poison monkeys! Nature started the fight for survival, and now she wants to quit because she's losing.&quo 16) "Oooh, so Mother Nature needs a favor?! Well maybe she should have thought of that when she was besetting us with droughts and floods and poison monkeys! Nature started the fight for survival, and now she wants to quit because she's losing.&quo

Vote for "Hi, Super Nintendo Chalmers!" - Ralph Wiggum 17) "Hi, Super Nintendo Chalmers!" - Ralph Wiggum

“omg this had me laughing for ages”

whufc

Vote for "What?s a wedding? Webster?s dictionary describes it as the act of removing weeds from one?s garden." - Homer Simpson 18) "What?s a wedding? Webster?s dictionary describes it as the act of removing weeds from one?s garden." - Homer Simpson

Vote for "I bent my wookie" - Ralph Wiggum 19) "I bent my wookie" - Ralph Wiggum

“hilarious”

idolangelx13

Vote for "Hello. I?m Leonard Nimoy. The following tale of alien encounters is true. And by true, I mean false. It?s all lies. But they?re entertaining lies. And in the end, isn?t that the real truth? The answer is: No." 20) "Hello. I?m Leonard Nimoy. The following tale of alien encounters is true. And by true, I mean false. It?s all lies. But they?re entertaining lies. And in the end, isn?t that the real truth? The answer is: No."

Vote for "To alcohol! The cause of - and the solution to - all life's problems!" - Homer Simpson 21) "To alcohol! The cause of - and the solution to - all life's problems!" - Homer Simpson

“No comment necessary. Homer speaks volumes.”

Vote for "I'm already feeling like a chicken, I just made an egg in my pants " - Ralph Wiggum at a chicken pox party 22) "I'm already feeling like a chicken, I just made an egg in my pants " - Ralph Wiggum at a chicken pox party

Vote for "My nose makes its own bubblegum" (blows a snot bubble) - Ralph Wiggum 23) "My nose makes its own bubblegum" (blows a snot bubble) - Ralph Wiggum

Vote for "If you don’t like your job you don’t strike, you just go in every day and do it really half assed, that’s the american way"- Homer Simpson 24) "If you don’t like your job you don’t strike, you just go in every day and do it really half assed, that’s the american way"- Homer Simpson

Vote for "I’m normally not a praying man, but if you’re up there, please save me Superman." - Homer Simpson 25) "I’m normally not a praying man, but if you’re up there, please save me Superman." - Homer Simpson

Vote for "There, pretty as a picture ... Ach! Zombies! ... There, pretty as a picture." - Groundskeeper Willie 26) "There, pretty as a picture ... Ach! Zombies! ... There, pretty as a picture." - Groundskeeper Willie

“My favorite”

user4422

Vote for "Lisa, I thought I told you not to listen to Captain What's His Name at church!"- Homer Simpson 27) "Lisa, I thought I told you not to listen to Captain What's His Name at church!"- Homer Simpson

Vote for "Well, whenever I?m confused, I just check my underwear. It holds the answer to all the important questions." - Abe Simpson 28) "Well, whenever I?m confused, I just check my underwear. It holds the answer to all the important questions." - Abe Simpson

Vote for "I don’t deserve this kind of shabby treatment! *buzz*" - Moe Szyslak 29) "I don’t deserve this kind of shabby treatment! *buzz*" - Moe Szyslak

“Moe on the lie detector test”

Vote for "Back in Edinburg, we had a coal miners strike. All we wanted were hats with a wee light on top. Then one day the mine collapsed. No one made it out alive, not even Willie!" - Groundskeeper Willie 30) "Back in Edinburg, we had a coal miners strike. All we wanted were hats with a wee light on top. Then one day the mine collapsed. No one made it out alive, not even Willie!" - Groundskeeper Willie

Vote for "Eat my shorts" - Bart Simpson 31) "Eat my shorts" - Bart Simpson

Vote for "Let's see—Farmer Billy's smoke-fed bacon, Farmer Billy's bacon-fed bacon, Farmer Billy's travel bacon... Mr. Simpson, if you really want to kill yourself, I also sell handguns!" - Apu 32) "Let's see—Farmer Billy's smoke-fed bacon, Farmer Billy's bacon-fed bacon, Farmer Billy's travel bacon... Mr. Simpson, if you really want to kill yourself, I also sell handguns!" - Apu

Vote for "Chew through my ball sack." - Principal Skinner while tied up in a dodge ball sack 33) "Chew through my ball sack." - Principal Skinner while tied up in a dodge ball sack

Vote for "OK, OK, I won't go stalk Lenny and Carl. Now.... I'm Going Out....to .... Stalk.... (laughs) he he he DOH." - Homer Simpson 34) "OK, OK, I won't go stalk Lenny and Carl. Now.... I'm Going Out....to .... Stalk.... (laughs) he he he DOH." - Homer Simpson

“hahhaha”

Vote for "Ahh blow back" - Ralph Wiggum 35) "Ahh blow back" - Ralph Wiggum

“Take that”


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