Best Simpsons Quotes

The best quotes from the wittiest and most quotable show on television. Don't agree with the list? Place your vote or if you are a logged in, add a new item for others to vote on.

Vote for "Well, he’s kind of had it in for me ever since I accidentally ran over his dog. Actually, replace ’accidentally’ with ’repeatedly’ and replace ’dog’ with ’son.’" - Lionel Hutz 1) "Well, he’s kind of had it in for me ever since I accidentally ran over his dog. Actually, replace ’accidentally’ with ’repeatedly’ and replace ’dog’ with ’son.’" - Lionel Hutz

“nice”

Hi92

Vote for "Doh" - Homer Simpson 2) "Doh" - Homer Simpson

“What the heck people? #6? this is the most used classic line on the simpsons and TV”

Razor79

“Classic”

Adam17

“#1”

idolangelx13

read more comments on "Doh" - Homer Simpson

Vote for "Bonjour, you cheese-eating surrender-monkeys!" - Willie 3) "Bonjour, you cheese-eating surrender-monkeys!" - Willie

Vote for "I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals flaming." - Homer Simpson 4) "I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals flaming." - Homer Simpson

Vote for "Just once I'd like someone to call me 'Sir' without adding 'You're making a scene.'" - Homer Simpson 5) "Just once I'd like someone to call me 'Sir' without adding 'You're making a scene.'" - Homer Simpson

Vote for "Me fail English? That’s unpossible!" - Ralph Wiggum 6) "Me fail English? That’s unpossible!" - Ralph Wiggum

Vote for "They call them fingers but I?ve never seen them fing...Oh, there they go." - Otto the Bus Driver 7) "They call them fingers but I?ve never seen them fing...Oh, there they go." - Otto the Bus Driver

Vote for "I used to be with it. But then they changed what it was. Now what I'm with isn't it, and what's it seems scary and wierd. It'll happen to you." - Abe Simpson 8) "I used to be with it. But then they changed what it was. Now what I'm with isn't it, and what's it seems scary and wierd. It'll happen to you." - Abe Simpson

Vote for “Owww look at me Marge, I’m making people Happy! I’m the magical man, from Happy Land, who lives in a gumdrop house on Lolly Pop Lane!!!!...... By the way I was being sarcastic...” - Homer Simpson 9) “Owww look at me Marge, I’m making people Happy! I’m the magical man, from Happy Land, who lives in a gumdrop house on Lolly Pop Lane!!!!...... By the way I was being sarcastic...” - Homer Simpson

Vote for "Well, I'm better than dirt. Well, most kinds of dirt. I mean not that fancy store bought dirt. That stuffs loaded with nutrients. I... I can't compete with that stuff." - Moe Szyslak 10) "Well, I'm better than dirt. Well, most kinds of dirt. I mean not that fancy store bought dirt. That stuffs loaded with nutrients. I... I can't compete with that stuff." - Moe Szyslak

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Choices Not In The Top Ten

Vote for "Oh, people can come up with statistics to prove anything, Kent. 14% of people know that." - Homer Simpson 11) "Oh, people can come up with statistics to prove anything, Kent. 14% of people know that." - Homer Simpson

Vote for "Hello, my name is mister Burns, I believe you have a letter for me." [P.O. Worker: "Ok Mr. Burns, what's your first name?"] "I don't know..." - Homer Simpson 12) "Hello, my name is mister Burns, I believe you have a letter for me." [P.O. Worker: "Ok Mr. Burns, what's your first name?"] "I don't know..." - Homer Simpson

Vote for "If cartoons were meant for adults, they'd put them on in prime time." - Lisa Simpson 13) "If cartoons were meant for adults, they'd put them on in prime time." - Lisa Simpson

Vote for "You’ll have to speak up, I’m wearing a towel." - Homer Simpson, when on the phone 14) "You’ll have to speak up, I’m wearing a towel." - Homer Simpson, when on the phone

Vote for "What do you think, Marge? All I need is a title. I was thinking something like "No TV and No Beer Make Homer Something Something." [Marge: Go Crazy?] "Don't mind if I do!" (goes crazy) - Homer Simpson 15) "What do you think, Marge? All I need is a title. I was thinking something like "No TV and No Beer Make Homer Something Something." [Marge: Go Crazy?] "Don't mind if I do!" (goes crazy) - Homer Simpson

“LOL XD Homer is a legende”

Snowflake1992

“BEST. HALLOWEEN QUOTE. EVER.”

Vote for "Hi, Super Nintendo Chalmers!" - Ralph Wiggum 16) "Hi, Super Nintendo Chalmers!" - Ralph Wiggum

“I’ve never heard this in the program, but that is so frikin funny!”

munkeelinc97

“omg this had me laughing for ages”

whufc

Vote for "Oooh, so Mother Nature needs a favor?! Well maybe she should have thought of that when she was besetting us with droughts and floods and poison monkeys! Nature started the fight for survival, and now she wants to quit because she's losing.&quo 17) "Oooh, so Mother Nature needs a favor?! Well maybe she should have thought of that when she was besetting us with droughts and floods and poison monkeys! Nature started the fight for survival, and now she wants to quit because she's losing.&quo

Vote for "What?s a wedding? Webster?s dictionary describes it as the act of removing weeds from one?s garden." - Homer Simpson 18) "What?s a wedding? Webster?s dictionary describes it as the act of removing weeds from one?s garden." - Homer Simpson

Vote for "Hello. I?m Leonard Nimoy. The following tale of alien encounters is true. And by true, I mean false. It?s all lies. But they?re entertaining lies. And in the end, isn?t that the real truth? The answer is: No." 19) "Hello. I?m Leonard Nimoy. The following tale of alien encounters is true. And by true, I mean false. It?s all lies. But they?re entertaining lies. And in the end, isn?t that the real truth? The answer is: No."

Vote for "To alcohol! The cause of - and the solution to - all life's problems!" - Homer Simpson 20) "To alcohol! The cause of - and the solution to - all life's problems!" - Homer Simpson

“No comment necessary. Homer speaks volumes.”

Vote for "How come things that happen to stupid people keep happening to me?" - Homer Simpson 21) "How come things that happen to stupid people keep happening to me?" - Homer Simpson

“ha”

aman28

Vote for "I bent my wookie" - Ralph Wiggum 22) "I bent my wookie" - Ralph Wiggum

“hilarious”

idolangelx13

Vote for "If you don’t like your job you don’t strike, you just go in every day and do it really half assed, that’s the american way"- Homer Simpson 23) "If you don’t like your job you don’t strike, you just go in every day and do it really half assed, that’s the american way"- Homer Simpson

Vote for "I'm already feeling like a chicken, I just made an egg in my pants " - Ralph Wiggum at a chicken pox party 24) "I'm already feeling like a chicken, I just made an egg in my pants " - Ralph Wiggum at a chicken pox party

Vote for "My nose makes its own bubblegum" (blows a snot bubble) - Ralph Wiggum 25) "My nose makes its own bubblegum" (blows a snot bubble) - Ralph Wiggum

“ewww! thats gross! but funny”

flowerchild4eva

Vote for "Chew through my ball sack." - Principal Skinner while tied up in a dodge ball sack 26) "Chew through my ball sack." - Principal Skinner while tied up in a dodge ball sack

Vote for "I’m normally not a praying man, but if you’re up there, please save me Superman." - Homer Simpson 27) "I’m normally not a praying man, but if you’re up there, please save me Superman." - Homer Simpson

Vote for "There, pretty as a picture ... Ach! Zombies! ... There, pretty as a picture." - Groundskeeper Willie 28) "There, pretty as a picture ... Ach! Zombies! ... There, pretty as a picture." - Groundskeeper Willie

“My favorite”

user4422

Vote for "Ahh blow back" - Ralph Wiggum 29) "Ahh blow back" - Ralph Wiggum

“Take that”

Vote for "Mmmmmm...Purple...." - Homer eating a grape jelly doughnut 30) "Mmmmmm...Purple...." - Homer eating a grape jelly doughnut

Vote for Brothers and sisters are natural enemies, Like Englishmen and Scots, Welshmen and Scots, Or Japanese and Scots, Or Scots and Scots, Damn Scots, they ruined Scotland! 31) Brothers and sisters are natural enemies, Like Englishmen and Scots, Welshmen and Scots, Or Japanese and Scots, Or Scots and Scots, Damn Scots, they ruined Scotland!

“HaHaHa!!!”

Vote for "Eat my shorts" - Bart Simpson 32) "Eat my shorts" - Bart Simpson

Vote for "Let's seeâ€”Farmer Billy's smoke-fed bacon, Farmer Billy's bacon-fed bacon, Farmer Billy's travel bacon... Mr. Simpson, if you really want to kill yourself, I also sell handguns!" - Apu 33) "Let's seeâ€”Farmer Billy's smoke-fed bacon, Farmer Billy's bacon-fed bacon, Farmer Billy's travel bacon... Mr. Simpson, if you really want to kill yourself, I also sell handguns!" - Apu

Vote for "Lisa, I thought I told you not to listen to Captain What's His Name at church!"- Homer Simpson 34) "Lisa, I thought I told you not to listen to Captain What's His Name at church!"- Homer Simpson

Vote for "OK, OK, I won't go stalk Lenny and Carl. Now.... I'm Going Out....to .... Stalk.... (laughs) he he he DOH." - Homer Simpson 35) "OK, OK, I won't go stalk Lenny and Carl. Now.... I'm Going Out....to .... Stalk.... (laughs) he he he DOH." - Homer Simpson

“hahhaha”

Vote for "Get bent" - Bart Simpson 36) "Get bent" - Bart Simpson

Vote for "Hi everybody" - Dr Nick 37) "Hi everybody" - Dr Nick

“lol this comment always makes me laugh!”

Vote for "Ha-ha" - Nelson 38) "Ha-ha" - Nelson

Vote for "Well, whenever I?m confused, I just check my underwear. It holds the answer to all the important questions." - Abe Simpson 39) "Well, whenever I?m confused, I just check my underwear. It holds the answer to all the important questions." - Abe Simpson

Vote for "I don’t deserve this kind of shabby treatment! *buzz*" - Moe Szyslak 40) "I don’t deserve this kind of shabby treatment! *buzz*" - Moe Szyslak

“Moe on the lie detector test”

Vote for "Back in Edinburg, we had a coal miners strike. All we wanted were hats with a wee light on top. Then one day the mine collapsed. No one made it out alive, not even Willie!" - Groundskeeper Willie 41) "Back in Edinburg, we had a coal miners strike. All we wanted were hats with a wee light on top. Then one day the mine collapsed. No one made it out alive, not even Willie!" - Groundskeeper Willie

Vote for "This is my sandbox, I'm not allowed to go in the deep end." - Ralph Wiggum 42) "This is my sandbox, I'm not allowed to go in the deep end." - Ralph Wiggum

Vote for "Hello Moe's, home of the largest small screen T.V." - Moe 43) "Hello Moe's, home of the largest small screen T.V." - Moe

Vote for "I'd expect that kind of language in Denny's, but certainly not here!!!" - Flanders after Moe screws up with his restaurant idea 44) "I'd expect that kind of language in Denny's, but certainly not here!!!" - Flanders after Moe screws up with his restaurant idea

“hahahahaha”

Vote for Bart: "Dad You Killed Zombie Flanders!" Homer: "He Was A Zombie?" 45) Bart: "Dad You Killed Zombie Flanders!" Homer: "He Was A Zombie?"

Vote for "Over there's the games room. We're not allowed in there." - Abe Simpson 46) "Over there's the games room. We're not allowed in there." - Abe Simpson

Vote for "Why does everything I whip leave me?" - Homer Simpson 47) "Why does everything I whip leave me?" - Homer Simpson

“funny and its from the movie”

Vote for "Dear Mr. President: There are too many states nowadays. Please eliminate three. PS, I am not a crackpot." - Grandpa 48) "Dear Mr. President: There are too many states nowadays. Please eliminate three. PS, I am not a crackpot." - Grandpa

Vote for (Marge) Homer there is a family of possums in here (Homer) I call the big one bitey. 49) (Marge) Homer there is a family of possums in here (Homer) I call the big one bitey.

Vote for (Homer) Oh so miss light luggage (Lisa) Maybe you're just Mr. strong muscles (Homer) Well, I have been eating more 50) (Homer) Oh so miss light luggage (Lisa) Maybe you're just Mr. strong muscles (Homer) Well, I have been eating more

Vote for "English, who needs that? I'm never going to England" - Homer Simpson 51) "English, who needs that? I'm never going to England" - Homer Simpson