Best Insults

created by heather

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Vote for Your birth certificate is an apology from the condom factory 1) Your birth certificate is an apology from the condom factory

This is an exceptional little phrase which can be used in any situation, whether it be orthodox or unorthodox. Furthermore I hope that anyone who uses this cracking little nugget of pure wit uses it well, as the results could be explosive.

For one of my "friends", this is true!

lcady

this is my fav. because its so funny~!

babylove1


Vote for You must have been born on a highway cuz thats where most accidents happen 2) You must have been born on a highway cuz thats where most accidents happen

i love it,, it makes me laugh much... :)

crazymansanas9307

rofl, I’m going to use it!

raresel96

if someone insulted me with this insult, I wouldn’t have a comeback

sports11


Vote for Shut up, you'll never be the man your mother is 3) Shut up, you'll never be the man your mother is

Yeah works every time

SmoothCriminal

I said this to my enemy we got into a 1 minute fight and the whole time he was crying

SmoothCriminal

laugh out loud

moejoe1234567


Vote for It looks light your face caught on fire and someone tried to put it out with a fork 4) It looks light your face caught on fire and someone tried to put it out with a fork

my dad will get so pissed when I say that

piggy24

thats epic pwnage theres no comeback for that

immabe

EPIC WIN.

Lozza


Vote for Dumbass 5) Dumbass

my fave...
lol

Asianavynuke

plain and to the point i love it

monster

it is just awesome man

shamus94


Vote for If you were twice as smart, you'd still be stupid 6) If you were twice as smart, you'd still be stupid

I love this one its so true

shiffty223

I’m gonna use this one

coots6

Its simple and it gets the point across beautifully lol.

vampduzie


Vote for You must be the arithmetic man;  you add trouble, subtract pleasure, divide attention, and multiply ignorance. 7) You must be the arithmetic man; you add trouble, subtract pleasure, divide attention, and multiply ignorance.

This insult is very cool!

really bad insult

moose4life19

Very witty

EasyasNBC


Vote for Do you have to leave so soon?  I was just about to poison the tea. 8) Do you have to leave so soon? I was just about to poison the tea.

Short and to the point (plus very fun to say if you say it right). I gotta use this.

fireinside96

DAAAAAYUMMM

Celestius

I could use this as a joke with friends. I could use a slight re-mix of this when leaving a conversation after an argument. I could use this anywhere!

leniv


Vote for We all sprang from apes, but you didn't spring far enough. 9) We all sprang from apes, but you didn't spring far enough.

Yeah that’d go perfect aganist my friend ... HA.

haha I used it on mah friend and she dun get it. she really didn’t spring at all xD

BrokenSong

thats a good one, I will use that one with my cuz.


Vote for I hear when you were a child your mother wanted to hire somebody to take care of you, but the mafia wanted too much. 10) I hear when you were a child your mother wanted to hire somebody to take care of you, but the mafia wanted too much.

He he he ill use this

ha ha ha ha, damn, that just gets right to the point doesn’t it.

horserida911

Totally funny home skillet buscuit. lol

pypyrox



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Choices Not In The Top Ten

Vote for I would ask how old you are, but I know you can't count that high. 11) I would ask how old you are, but I know you can't count that high.

LOL this is twice the insult

GlonnAtronnAdonnAdict

Double insult... on how old you are and in your stupidity. Especially if you ask someone sensetive to their age ;)

LOL im telling this to my dad hes lets just say not young

Vote for You’re so ugly Hello Kitty said goodbye to you. 12) You’re so ugly Hello Kitty said goodbye to you.

. . . funny

678rob754

love it

mchen

omg! hilarious!

Vote for In a nutshell, personally I consider him a cancer and better removed, avoided - and the less anyone heard of him or his supporters the better. 13) In a nutshell, personally I consider him a cancer and better removed, avoided - and the less anyone heard of him or his supporters the better.

cancer is the most deadliest and the most dangerous diseases, a cure is less known and the survival rate is not yet guaranteed but being talked about beng a cancer is the worst with people avoiding you

ronluna

Axl was talking about Slash who left Guns N Roses in 1997. Slash was known to use drugs like Duff and Izzy but he is the most addicted one. He is not using drugs anymore.

ronluna

axl’s statement for slash.

ronluna

Vote for Ever since I have seen you in your family tree, I have wanted to cut it down. 14) Ever since I have seen you in your family tree, I have wanted to cut it down.

hey ohhhhhhhhhhhhh!im definatly usin this if my friend disses me really bad again.

i can use this on my older brother
mwahaha

A cracking good one that will baffle the wits of my brother.
Jolly good.

Vote for Out of 100,000 sperm, you were the fastest? 15) Out of 100,000 sperm, you were the fastest?

Brilliant!!!

Vote for If you really want to know about mistakes you should ask your parents 16) If you really want to know about mistakes you should ask your parents

hahahaha mean.

apples

that is so cruel... LOL XD XD XD

ohhhhh damn.........mean!!!

Vote for You are so ugly that when your mama dropped you off at school she got a fine for littering 17) You are so ugly that when your mama dropped you off at school she got a fine for littering

best insult on earth

OOO BURN

Vote for When you were born, the police arrested your dad, the doctor slapped your mom, animal control euthanized your brother, and A&E made a documentary that saved your life. 18) When you were born, the police arrested your dad, the doctor slapped your mom, animal control euthanized your brother, and A&E made a documentary that saved your life.

Wow... this is the single most epic thing I have ever heard.

the-dude-2000

took me a long time to chose and I’ll probably change my mind in ten minutes but this is awesome

CaptainComedy17

this is the single meanest thing to say to someone... but thats what this list is about lol got my vote

browney115

Vote for Some people are has-beens.  You are a never-was 19) Some people are has-beens. You are a never-was

its nice!!

Very close to my life story

Vote for Here's 20 cents, call all your friends and give me back the change 20) Here's 20 cents, call all your friends and give me back the change

Nice!

raresel96

sweet

chip123polo

the person im gonna tell it to probably is to dumb to get it

Vote for Jesus thinks you're a dumbass 21) Jesus thinks you're a dumbass

thats just hurtful

Vote for Yo mama’s so fat that she’s got smaller fat people orbiting around her 22) Yo mama’s so fat that she’s got smaller fat people orbiting around her

haha hilarious! only one I’ve laughed out loud at!

talk about a funny picture!

haha thats a good one ACE

Vote for Your mom just called me, and she asked, that on your way home, you pick up a loaf of bread, bag of milk and some condoms, so she doesn't make the same mistake, twice. 23) Your mom just called me, and she asked, that on your way home, you pick up a loaf of bread, bag of milk and some condoms, so she doesn't make the same mistake, twice.

ohhhhhhhhhhhh damn I think i will use this one

Vote for You’re so stupid you got fired from the m&m factory for throwing out all the "w’s" 24) You’re so stupid you got fired from the m&m factory for throwing out all the "w’s"

Owned

SnoopDizzleDogg

O man! wait till i tell my friend about this 1!

Vote for Yo mama so fat she’s got more chins thin a chinese phone book 25) Yo mama so fat she’s got more chins thin a chinese phone book

this is an awsome yo mama joke lol

That is so cool, i could use it against my enemy in bahrain!!!!!!!!

Vote for Yo mama so fat wen she jumped in the ocean the whales started singin "We Are Family" 26) Yo mama so fat wen she jumped in the ocean the whales started singin "We Are Family"

OH MY GOD THAT IS THE FUNNIEST INSULT I HAVE EVER HEARD!

Vote for I wouldn’t piss on you, even if you were on fire. 27) I wouldn’t piss on you, even if you were on fire.

lol thats good

sharpo68

That’s a Chumbawamba song. Well done for being original..

Ellis

thats cold

Vote for Your mamma so fat she has to wear 2 watches because she covers two time zones 28) Your mamma so fat she has to wear 2 watches because she covers two time zones

thats the best 1 i herd in a long time

Sweet PWNED!

ACDCRocks

SICK

Vote for Being around you is like having a cancer of the soul. 29) Being around you is like having a cancer of the soul.

what could be better than this. NOTE use on teacher/parent

Excellent use of a terrible disease.

thats cold

Vote for hey u hav somthing on ur chin 3rd 1 down 30) hey u hav somthing on ur chin 3rd 1 down

LOL that’s funny

Vote for Your mother and father hated you so much you bath toys were an iron and a toaster 31) Your mother and father hated you so much you bath toys were an iron and a toaster

OOH DAMN!

Jrock-LOVE

Uber diss

Samfisherofwoe

wicked!!

Vote for Who do you think is the best comedy team? ME? I think it's your parents....they made the biggest joke! 32) Who do you think is the best comedy team? ME? I think it's your parents....they made the biggest joke!

I am so using this! Brilliant!

HenP

Oh my gosh.. that is priceless...

Simply_Nobody

HAHA love it!

Vote for Why dont you shut up and give that hole in your face a chance to heal 33) Why dont you shut up and give that hole in your face a chance to heal

Ouch!

Vote for Your momma is so ugly... she gotta be your momma 34) Your momma is so ugly... she gotta be your momma

just simple... but funny as hell

rocknrolldude

that’s actually pretty damn funny.

Vote for Can I borrow your face? My arse is on holiday 35) Can I borrow your face? My arse is on holiday

Vote for You’re face looks like a pizza with the cheese ripped off 36) You’re face looks like a pizza with the cheese ripped off

That makes me laugh so hard!

THATS BAD! :D:D:D:D

That’s absolutely horrible!!!! It made me laugh so hard I was crying!

Vote for I may be fat but you’re ugly and I can diet. 37) I may be fat but you’re ugly and I can diet.

Vote for Your momma's so ugly she turned Medusa to stone 38) Your momma's so ugly she turned Medusa to stone

now that is an insult

Funny as hell! (thats my friends mom? )

pbrj

That’s [Incredible] Man , Good One Dude.

Metallica_136

Vote for Looks like you fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down 39) Looks like you fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down

true...true....so true

Vote for I'm looking forward to the pleasure of your company since I haven't had it yet. 40) I'm looking forward to the pleasure of your company since I haven't had it yet.

hahahahahaha NEAt... im sure using this one

im using it 2

o dis

Vote for Your mama so fat she jumped up to the sky and got stuck 41) Your mama so fat she jumped up to the sky and got stuck

thats gotta hurt

thats a good 1!!!

THAT IS SO WICKED LIKE

Vote for Your parents are siblings 42) Your parents are siblings

ouch! this one is harsh! but hey.. bet it don’t half smack them in the face lol

thats friggin bad...

Vote for Nice tan, orange is my favourite colour 43) Nice tan, orange is my favourite colour

Now thats something you don’t say to your gf!

xD Wow

I got to say this frequently when I was in california.

Vote for Your so ugly when you popped out the doctor said aww what a treasure and your mom said yeah lets bury it 44) Your so ugly when you popped out the doctor said aww what a treasure and your mom said yeah lets bury it

Vote for Your mommas so fat that when she turned around its a birthday again!! 45) Your mommas so fat that when she turned around its a birthday again!!

thats great

Vote for You would look like your momma... if you grow a moustache. And some horns. And gain a few thousand pounds. 46) You would look like your momma... if you grow a moustache. And some horns. And gain a few thousand pounds.

Vote for Learn from your parents mistakes - get sterilized 47) Learn from your parents mistakes - get sterilized

Vote for You didn't fall out of the stupid tree. You got drug through dumbass forest. 48) You didn't fall out of the stupid tree. You got drug through dumbass forest.

Vote for Do you still love nature....despite what it did to you? 49) Do you still love nature....despite what it did to you?

Call the fire department, cause you just got burned

classic insult, i don’t remember who actually said it first..

This is classic!!!

Vote for You’re so stupid you tried to put m&ms in alphabetical order! 50) You’re so stupid you tried to put m&ms in alphabetical order!

i can’t wait to do that one

this one is pretty good. he he

OOOOOHHHH thats gotta hurt!

Vote for Your momma is so poor, she went to the wishing well and threw in an IOU 51) Your momma is so poor, she went to the wishing well and threw in an IOU

best ever

Oh BURN!

Vote for You’re so ugly when you were born the doctors didn’t know if they should put you in a cradle or a cage 52) You’re so ugly when you were born the doctors didn’t know if they should put you in a cradle or a cage

are you just gonna take that?!

ACDCRocks

this is going to be a good one for a bully at our school

i like it that way!

Vote for You’re house is so small, you ordered a large pizza and had to eat it outside. 53) You’re house is so small, you ordered a large pizza and had to eat it outside.

Vote for Your asinine simian countenance alludes that your fetid stench has anulled the anthropoid ape species diversity. 54) Your asinine simian countenance alludes that your fetid stench has anulled the anthropoid ape species diversity.

They won’t know what it means, but you will. It means: The stupid kind of monkey you are suggests that your stink killed the many other different kinds of monkey.

Vote for My mother is more of a man then you. And she's a woman.. 55) My mother is more of a man then you. And she's a woman..

Just something off the top of my head.

Vote for When you were born your mum left you outside the orphanage and handed herself into the police 56) When you were born your mum left you outside the orphanage and handed herself into the police

its soo cold and funny the perfect combination!

Vote for You’re so weird you’re made of cotton. 57) You’re so weird you’re made of cotton.

I love the person that put this on here you know why? BECAUSE IT IS SOOOOOOOOO HILARIOUS!

It makes no sense, but it’s still hillarious.

Vote for Is that your face? Or did your neck just throw up? 58) Is that your face? Or did your neck just throw up?

Vote for Why don't you check up on eBay and see if they have a life for sale. 59) Why don't you check up on eBay and see if they have a life for sale.

This is so cool I am so gunna try it lol :~)

Vote for You were adopted and never loved. 60) You were adopted and never loved.

THIS ONE IS TERRIBLE!

Vote for You're Michael Jackson gone wrong 61) You're Michael Jackson gone wrong

Vote for With just one more brain, what a halfwit he'd be. 62) With just one more brain, what a halfwit he'd be.

Vote for With a face like yours, I wish I was blind 63) With a face like yours, I wish I was blind

wow... thats hurtful.

schaf1492

wow , man thats mean

thats beautiful

Vote for What was that? You have a brain freeze? But honey doesn't that actually require a brain first? 64) What was that? You have a brain freeze? But honey doesn't that actually require a brain first?

Vote for Your face looks like someone smashed a glass bottle on it then tried to pick out the pieces with a wooden spoon 65) Your face looks like someone smashed a glass bottle on it then tried to pick out the pieces with a wooden spoon

I had much inspiration for this one!

Vote for There was a comment about your dad in a movie... I think its "YOU SON OF A DISHWASHER"? 66) There was a comment about your dad in a movie... I think its "YOU SON OF A DISHWASHER"?

wtf?... I love it

arsenal193

Vote for You’re so fat you make a hippo look skinny! 67) You’re so fat you make a hippo look skinny!

quality!

Vote for You’re so fake that Barbie is more real than you 68) You’re so fake that Barbie is more real than you

Vote for You're so stupid, brain surgeons are having a hard time 69) You're so stupid, brain surgeons are having a hard time

lol

jolly good lol

lol!

Vote for Yeah you're pretty ... pretty stupid 70) Yeah you're pretty ... pretty stupid

this says it all

lmao

haha..made me remember my bf’s ex!

Vote for Your mom is so stupid she tried to wake a sleeping bag 71) Your mom is so stupid she tried to wake a sleeping bag

hahahaha

Chaddermouse

Vote for You was born on a motorway cause that’s where most accidents happen 72) You was born on a motorway cause that’s where most accidents happen

DAMN!

Vote for Yo mamma so old, she owes Moses a quarter 73) Yo mamma so old, she owes Moses a quarter

Vote for Yo mama's so fat she sat on a rainbow and Skittles popped out 74) Yo mama's so fat she sat on a rainbow and Skittles popped out

dis joke is buzzin

haha omg thats gold

hahaha thats a classical~

Vote for Yo mamma so ugly not even rice crispes would talk to her 75) Yo mamma so ugly not even rice crispes would talk to her

Legendary! LMFAO! x

Vote for Yo mama is so fat, when she goes to an all you can eat buffet, they have to install speed bumps 76) Yo mama is so fat, when she goes to an all you can eat buffet, they have to install speed bumps

i have used this one plenty of times an its just as funny everytime lol

thats awsome

Vote for I took a picture of you and taped it to my ass, but you were still uglier. 77) I took a picture of you and taped it to my ass, but you were still uglier.

Vote for You're an accident waiting to happen...it's a good thing I didn't wait that long 78) You're an accident waiting to happen...it's a good thing I didn't wait that long

Vote for You are about as brilliant and sane as Tom Cruise 79) You are about as brilliant and sane as Tom Cruise

I made that up...it’s the most insulting thing I could think of

lol thats the best one!!

Vote for Your parents made a mistake and it’s name was [insert person’s name here] 80) Your parents made a mistake and it’s name was [insert person’s name here]

Vote for Yo mama’s so fat when she went missing, she took up all four sides of the milk carton 81) Yo mama’s so fat when she went missing, she took up all four sides of the milk carton

that is funny

daanngg shes big!!

Vote for The only way I'd lay naked with you would be in a mass grave 82) The only way I'd lay naked with you would be in a mass grave

Ohhhhhh that hurts what a awsome brush off dude!

Bec

Vote for Your momma's so fat when she runs she’s rolling the earth under her 83) Your momma's so fat when she runs she’s rolling the earth under her

Vote for Yo momma is like a racecar driver. She burns lots of rubbers! 84) Yo momma is like a racecar driver. She burns lots of rubbers!

classical!

This one hurts!
The only one I’ve laughed to.

Vote for By some strange chance, are your parents cousins? 85) By some strange chance, are your parents cousins?

I said this to someone and they said ’No,why?’ Priceless.

Vote for Why do you even get up in the morning? 86) Why do you even get up in the morning?

Haha! This one HAS to be the best!

xD I love this.
It makes me feel like a cold hearted bitch everytime I use it.

Vote for You are so ugly when you were born the doctor said "I'm gonna drop it, if it falls is a rat, if it flies is a bat." 87) You are so ugly when you were born the doctor said "I'm gonna drop it, if it falls is a rat, if it flies is a bat."

good one! i’m gonna use it!!

Vote for Yo mamma's so dumb she took a spoon to the Superbowl 88) Yo mamma's so dumb she took a spoon to the Superbowl

Vote for You're so ugly, apes want to adopt you 89) You're so ugly, apes want to adopt you

hah...mowgli

Vote for I...... words can not express how much I hate you 90) I...... words can not express how much I hate you

simply geneious:D

Vote for You’ve got a face like a burst haggis 91) You’ve got a face like a burst haggis

Vote for Yeah you're special ... special needs 92) Yeah you're special ... special needs

hahaha ive used tht funni !!!!

Vote for Look, you aint funny. Your life is just a joke. 93) Look, you aint funny. Your life is just a joke.

lol i like this 1

Vote for So you’re a blonde that everyone loves that has a sinless inside as white as snow.... you sound like a gay twinkie to me. 94) So you’re a blonde that everyone loves that has a sinless inside as white as snow.... you sound like a gay twinkie to me.

I got a black eye for saying this one to the toughest most stupidest kid in school yet I still love it

man that owns!!

Vote for Go lay by your dish 95) Go lay by your dish

Vote for Go away I was looking at something better than you 96) Go away I was looking at something better than you

Vote for Yo mama's so dumb that she went to the Clippers game to get a haircut 97) Yo mama's so dumb that she went to the Clippers game to get a haircut

WOW,even im not that blonde!!!

Vote for You're so ugly you make the second ugliest person in the world look like a super model 98) You're so ugly you make the second ugliest person in the world look like a super model

ha ha....ugly

Vote for If you ever happen to get a life, stop by for a while. I will give you advice on how to run it 99) If you ever happen to get a life, stop by for a while. I will give you advice on how to run it

I don’t think the girl at my school will EVER get a life.

Very Hilarious!!

Vote for You’re so fat when you burped you blew the world away. 100) You’re so fat when you burped you blew the world away.

Check if you don’t beleive me.