Best Insults
created by heather
Don't agree with the list? Place your vote or if you are a logged in, add a new item for others to vote on.
1)
Your birth certificate is an apology from the condom factory
“This is an exceptional little phrase which can be used in any situation, whether it be orthodox or unorthodox. Furthermore I hope that anyone who uses this cracking little nugget of pure wit uses it well, as the results could be explosive.”
“This is so wrong... and yet... so right. I gotta use this one!”
“best insult eva! lmfao
”
2)
You must have been born on a highway cuz thats where most accidents happen
“that is so funny i’m so using this”
“hahahahahahahahahahaha funny as hellz”
“HAHAHAHAHA I used this on a girl in school and her jaw dropped and he just went "AWH! " and then I walked away with everyone following me and laughing-except the girl. ROFLOLMAO!”
3)
Shut up, you’ll never be the man your mother is
“hahaha.
wow.
major burn!
LOVE it!”
“Awesome!lol :P”
“thats a good one, I will use that one”
4)
If you were twice as smart, you'd still be stupid
“Its simple and it gets the point across beautifully lol.”
“cool! awesome!”
“I like it!”
5)
It looks light your face caught on fire and someone tried to put it out with a fork
“I wish I had heard this earlier!”
“this ones the harshest... it should be number 1! cracked me up!”
“ROFLMFAO”
“This insult is very cool!”
“Love it, this is a first class insult.”
“AMAZING, WITTY....PERFECT! I ALREADY HAVE A VICTIM IN MIND”
“He he he ill use this
”
“Totally funny home skillet buscuit. lol”
“clever”
8)
Do you have to leave so soon? I was just about to poison the tea.
“lol! the best”
“That is the best insult ever XD
”
“after reading this ive used it ever frequently on my in-laws. top marks!”
9)
We all sprang from apes, but you didn't spring far enough.
“Yeah that’d go perfect aganist my friend ... HA.”
“haha I used it on mah friend and she dun get it. she really didn’t spring at all xD”
“thats a good one, I will use that one with my cuz.”
10)
Dumbass
“Hi”
“timeless”
“If it’s good enough for Red Forman (That 70’s show for those of you who live under a rock), it’s good enough for me.”
Choices Not In The Top Ten...
11) I would ask how old you are, but I know you can't count that high.
“LOL this is twice the insult”
“Double insult... on how old you are and in your stupidity. Especially if you ask someone sensetive to their age ;)”
“LOL im telling this to my dad hes lets just say not young
”
12) Ever since I have seen you in your family tree, I have wanted to cut it down.
“hey ohhhhhhhhhhhhh!im definatly usin this if my friend disses me really bad again.”
“i can use this on my older brother
mwahaha”
“A cracking good one that will baffle the wits of my brother.
Jolly good.”
13) Some people are has-beens. You are a never-was
“its nice!!”
“Very close to my life story”
14) If you really want to know about mistakes you should ask your parents
“that is so cruel... LOL XD XD XD”
“ohhhhh damn.........mean!!!”
15) Yo mama so fat she’s got more chins thin a chinese phone book
“this is an awsome yo mama joke lol
”
“That is so cool, i could use it against my enemy in bahrain!!!!!!!!”
16) Here’s 20 cents, call all your friends and give me back the change
“the person im gonna tell it to probably is to dumb to get it”
“love this one”
“haha do u get it u have no friends”
17) You’re so ugly Hello Kitty said goodbye to you.
“omg! hilarious!”
“hahahahahaha omg thats hilarious”
“Rich. Filthy rich.”
18) I'm looking forward to the pleasure of your company since I haven't had it yet.
“hahahahahaha NEAt... im sure using this one”
“im using it 2”
“o dis”
19) Who do you think is the best comedy team? ME? I think it’s your parents....they made the biggest joke!
“Oh my gosh.. that is priceless...
”
“HAHA love it!”
20) Your mamma so fat she has to wear 2 watches because she covers two time zones
“thats the best 1 i herd in a long time”
“SICK”
“i said that to this bully and he cried!!”
21) I wouldn’t piss on you, even if you were on fire.
“That’s a Chumbawamba song. Well done for being original..”
“thats cold”
22) Out of 100,000 sperm, you were the fastest?
“Brilliant!!!”
23) Your mom just called me, and she asked, that on your way home, you pick up a loaf of bread, bag of milk and some condoms, so she doesn’t make the same mistake, twice.
“ohhhhhhhhhhhh damn I think i will use this one
”
24) Your mama so fat she jumped up to the sky and got stuck
“thats gotta hurt”
“thats a good 1!!!”
“THAT IS SO WICKED LIKE”
25) Your mommas so fat that when she turned around its a birthday again!!
“thats great”
26) Your momma is so ugly... she gotta be your momma
“that’s actually pretty damn funny.”
27) Being around you is like having a cancer of the soul.
“what could be better than this. NOTE use on teacher/parent”
“Excellent use of a terrible disease.”
“thats cold”
28) Yo mama’s so fat that she’s got smaller fat people orbiting around her
“haha hilarious! only one I’ve laughed out loud at!”
“talk about a funny picture!”
“haha thats a good one ACE”
29) Your mother and father hated you so much you bath toys were an iron and a toaster
“Uber diss”
“wicked!!”
“ohh that’s so mean! XD”
30) With just one more brain, what a halfwit he'd be.
31) You’re so stupid you got fired from the m&m factory for throwing out all the "w’s"
“O man! wait till i tell my friend about this 1!”
32) Your parents are siblings
“ouch! this one is harsh! but hey.. bet it don’t half smack them in the face lol”
“thats friggin bad...”
33) There was a comment about your dad in a movie... I think its "YOU SON OF A DISHWASHER"?
34) hey u hav somthing on ur chin 3rd 1 down
35) Do you still love nature....despite what it did to you?
“Call the fire department, cause you just got burned”
“classic insult, i don’t remember who actually said it first..”
“This is classic!!!”
36) Yo mama so fat wen she jumped in the ocean the whales started singin "We Are Family"
“OH MY GOD THAT IS THE FUNNIEST INSULT I HAVE EVER HEARD!”
37) My mother is more of a man then you. And she's a woman..
“Just something off the top of my head.”
38) When you were born your mum left you outside the orphanage and handed herself into the police
“its soo cold and funny the perfect combination!”
39) You’re so fat you make a hippo look skinny!
“quality!”
“this is going to be a good one for a bully at our school”
“i like it that way!”
“omg thats so good!”
41) You’re so stupid you tried to put m&ms in alphabetical order!
“i can’t wait to do that one”
“this one is pretty good. he he”
“OOOOOHHHH thats gotta hurt!”
42) You are so ugly that when your mama dropped you off at school she got a fine for littering
“best insult on earth
”
“OOO BURN”
43) Jesus thinks you’re a dumbass
“thats just hurtful”
44) What was that? You have a brain freeze? But honey doesn't that actually require a brain first?
45) You are about as brilliant and sane as Tom Cruise
“I made that up...it’s the most insulting thing I could think of”
“lol thats the best one!!”
46) Your momma's so ugly she turned Medusa to stone
“now that is an insult”
“Ohmyghad that is wicked! I can’t wait to use that!!”
47) You’re so fake that Barbie is more real than you
48) You was born on a motorway cause that’s where most accidents happen
“DAMN!”
49) Look, you aint funny. Your life is just a joke.
“lol i like this 1”
50) Nice tan, orange is my favourite colour
“Now thats something you don’t say to your gf!”
“xD Wow”
“I got to say this frequently when I was in california.”
51) Yo mama’s so fat when she went missing, she took up all four sides of the milk carton
“that is funny
”
“daanngg shes big!!”
52) Yo mama is so fat, when she goes to an all you can eat buffet, they have to install speed bumps
“i have used this one plenty of times an its just as funny everytime lol”
“thats awsome
”
53) You’re so stupid, brain surgeons are having a hard time
“lol”
“jolly good lol
”
“lol!”
54) Why dont you shut up and give that hole in your face a chance to heal
“Ouch!”
55) You’re face looks like a pizza with the cheese ripped off
“That makes me laugh so hard!”
“THATS BAD! :D:D:D:D”
“That’s absolutely horrible!!!! It made me laugh so hard I was crying!”
56) Why don’t you check up on eBay and see if they have a life for sale.
“This is so cool I am so gunna try it lol :~)”
“This is the best thing I have ever heard anybody say about anything”
“k that one was so bad! haha nice one though I’m so gonna say this to my friend”
“This is soooo funny, will have to use it”
58) Your face looks like someone smashed a glass bottle on it then tried to pick out the pieces with a wooden spoon
“I had much inspiration for this one!”
59) You’re so ugly you make the second ugliest person in the world look like a super model
“ha ha....ugly”
60) Your momma is so poor, she went to the wishing well and threw in an IOU
“best ever”
“Oh BURN!”
61) Looks like you fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down
“true...true....so true”
62) With a face like yours, I wish I was blind
“wow , man thats mean”
“thats beautiful
”
63) Yeah you’re special ... special needs
“hahaha ive used tht funni !!!!”
64) You’re house is so small, you ordered a large pizza and had to eat it outside.
65) Learn from your parents mistakes - get sterilized
66) Your so ugly when you popped out the doctor said aww what a treasure and your mom said yeah lets bury it
67) Your parents made a mistake and it’s name was [insert person’s name here]
68) Yo mama’s so dumb that she went to the Clippers game to get a haircut
“WOW,even im not that blonde!!!
”
69) Yeah you’re pretty ... pretty stupid
“this says it all”
“lmao”
“haha..made me remember my bf’s ex!”
70) I...... words can not express how much I hate you
“simply geneious:D”
71) Yo momma is like a racecar driver. She burns lots of rubbers!
“classical!”
“This one hurts!
The only one I’ve laughed to.”
72) If you ever happen to get a life, stop by for a while. I will give you advice on how to run it
“I don’t think the girl at my school will EVER get a life.”
“Very Hilarious!!”
73) Yo mama’s so fat she sat on a rainbow and Skittles popped out
“dis joke is buzzin
”
“haha omg thats gold”
“hahaha thats a classical~”
74) You would look like your momma... if you grow a moustache. And some horns. And gain a few thousand pounds.
75) You’re so fat when you burped you blew the world away.
“Check if you don’t beleive me.”
76) I may be fat but you’re ugly and I can diet.
77) Why do you even get up in the morning?
“Haha! This one HAS to be the best!”
“xD I love this.
It makes me feel like a cold hearted bitch everytime I use it.”
78) You are so ugly when you were born the doctor said "I’m gonna drop it, if it falls is a rat, if it flies is a bat."
“good one! i’m gonna use it!!”
79) Your asinine simian countenance alludes that your fetid stench has anulled the anthropoid ape species diversity.
“They won’t know what it means, but you will. It means: The stupid kind of monkey you are suggests that your stink killed the many other different kinds of monkey.”
80) You're Michael Jackson gone wrong
81) I took a picture of you and taped it to my ass, but you were still uglier.
82) Yo momma is so fat your dad has to kneel up in bed to see if its daylight!
“Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh”
“i thought that this is funny!”
83) Yo mamma so ugly not even rice crispes would talk to her
“Legendary! LMFAO! x”
84) Your hair is so fried that it looks it caught on fire, died, went to hell and came back
“CONDITIONER!!!”
85) Yo momma so fat it takes her two trips to haul ass.
“That is a awsome issult”
86) You’ve got a face like a lazy bee keeper
87) You’ve got a face like a burst haggis
88) So you’re a blonde that everyone loves that has a sinless inside as white as snow.... you sound like a gay twinkie to me.
“I got a black eye for saying this one to the toughest most stupidest kid in school yet I still love it”
“man that owns!!”
89) You’re so weird you’re made of cotton.
“I love the person that put this on here you know why? BECAUSE IT IS SOOOOOOOOO HILARIOUS!”
“It makes no sense, but it’s still hillarious.”
90) (Phone ringing)... Excuse me it’s your village, they want their idiot back
91) If I got a nickel every time you try to dis me but fail, I’d make more money a week than Bill Gates in a month
92) By some strange chance, are your parents cousins?
“I said this to someone and they said ’No,why?’ Priceless.”
93) You’ve got more rolls then a bakery
94) You were adopted and never loved.
“THIS ONE IS TERRIBLE!”
95) You didn’t fall out of the stupid tree. You got drug through dumbass forest.
96) Yo momma’s so stupid I said turn on the black light and she turned off the light
97) Don’t you have other things to think of? Oh! I forgot! Your brain capacity is too small for you to be able to think!
“Heh. I like this one ^_^”
98) You’re so ugly, apes want to adopt you
“hah...mowgli”
99) The only way I’d lay naked with you would be in a mass grave
“Ohhhhhh that hurts what a awsome brush off dude!”
100) I like you ... Keep being a screw up you’re making me look successful
