Best Insults

created by heather

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Vote for Your birth certificate is an apology from the condom factory 1) Your birth certificate is an apology from the condom factory

“This is an exceptional little phrase which can be used in any situation, whether it be orthodox or unorthodox. Furthermore I hope that anyone who uses this cracking little nugget of pure wit uses it well, as the results could be explosive.”

“who is the genius that created that insult? Hat down...”

BigZ

“3 letters : L. O. L”

ResidentEvil54life

read more comments on Your birth certificate is an apology from the condom factory

Vote for You must have been born on a highway cuz thats where most accidents happen 2) You must have been born on a highway cuz thats where most accidents happen

“if someone insulted me with this insult, I wouldn’t have a comeback”

sports11

“LOL I’m gunna use this now”

lilnate1200

“You’ve just been pwned”

metallifan09

Vote for Shut up, you'll never be the man your mother is 3) Shut up, you'll never be the man your mother is

“that’s what I call insulting someone’s mother with class.”

Queen-aholic

“Hilarious! definitely using this”

hammett45

“A classic one”

ResidentEvil54life

read more comments on Shut up, you'll never be the man your mother is

Vote for It looks light your face caught on fire and someone tried to put it out with a fork 4) It looks light your face caught on fire and someone tried to put it out with a fork

“I’m so using this!
”

HenP2

“Hilarious”

RedStripedd

“DDDDDAAAAAMMMMMNNNNN”

VanAllen

Vote for Dumbass 5) Dumbass

“my fave...
lol”

Asianavynuke

“plain and to the point i love it
”

monster

“it is just awesome man”

shamus94

read more comments on Dumbass

Vote for If you were twice as smart, you'd still be stupid 6) If you were twice as smart, you'd still be stupid

“Its simple and it gets the point across beautifully lol.”

vampduzie

“cool! awesome!”

“I like it!”

read more comments on If you were twice as smart, you'd still be stupid

Vote for You must be the arithmetic man; you add trouble, subtract pleasure, divide attention, and multiply ignorance. 7) You must be the arithmetic man; you add trouble, subtract pleasure, divide attention, and multiply ignorance.

“This insult is very cool!”

“really bad insult”

moose4life19

“Very witty”

EasyasNBC

Vote for Do you have to leave so soon? I was just about to poison the tea. 8) Do you have to leave so soon? I was just about to poison the tea.

“I could use this as a joke with friends. I could use a slight re-mix of this when leaving a conversation after an argument. I could use this anywhere!”

leniv

“lol! the best”

“That is the best insult ever XD
”

Vote for I hear when you were a child your mother wanted to hire somebody to take care of you, but the mafia wanted too much. 9) I hear when you were a child your mother wanted to hire somebody to take care of you, but the mafia wanted too much.

“He he he ill use this
”

“ha ha ha ha, damn, that just gets right to the point doesn’t it.”

horserida911

“Totally funny home skillet buscuit. lol”

pypyrox

Vote for We all sprang from apes, but you didn't spring far enough. 10) We all sprang from apes, but you didn't spring far enough.

“Yeah that’d go perfect aganist my friend ... HA.”

“haha I used it on mah friend and she dun get it. she really didn’t spring at all xD”

BrokenSong

“thats a good one, I will use that one with my cuz.”

read more comments on We all sprang from apes, but you didn't spring far enough.

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Vote for I would ask how old you are, but I know you can't count that high. 11) I would ask how old you are, but I know you can't count that high.

“LOL this is twice the insult”

GlonnAtronnAdonnAdict

“Double insult... on how old you are and in your stupidity. Especially if you ask someone sensetive to their age ;)”

“LOL im telling this to my dad hes lets just say not young
”

» more comments on I would ask how old you are, but I know you can't count that high.

Vote for In a nutshell, personally I consider him a cancer and better removed, avoided - and the less anyone heard of him or his supporters the better. 12) In a nutshell, personally I consider him a cancer and better removed, avoided - and the less anyone heard of him or his supporters the better.

“cancer is the most deadliest and the most dangerous diseases, a cure is less known and the survival rate is not yet guaranteed but being talked about beng a cancer is the worst with people avoiding you”

ronluna

“Axl was talking about Slash who left Guns N Roses in 1997. Slash was known to use drugs like Duff and Izzy but he is the most addicted one. He is not using drugs anymore.”

ronluna

“axl’s statement for slash.”

ronluna

Vote for You’re so ugly Hello Kitty said goodbye to you. 13) You’re so ugly Hello Kitty said goodbye to you.

“. . . funny
”

678rob754

“love it”

mchen

“omg! hilarious!”

» more comments on You’re so ugly Hello Kitty said goodbye to you.

Vote for Ever since I have seen you in your family tree, I have wanted to cut it down. 14) Ever since I have seen you in your family tree, I have wanted to cut it down.

“hey ohhhhhhhhhhhhh!im definatly usin this if my friend disses me really bad again.”

“i can use this on my older brother
mwahaha”

“A cracking good one that will baffle the wits of my brother.
Jolly good.”

» more comments on Ever since I have seen you in your family tree, I have wanted to cut it down.

Vote for If you really want to know about mistakes you should ask your parents 15) If you really want to know about mistakes you should ask your parents

“that is so cruel... LOL XD XD XD”

“ohhhhh damn.........mean!!!”

Vote for Here's 20 cents, call all your friends and give me back the change 16) Here's 20 cents, call all your friends and give me back the change

“the person im gonna tell it to probably is to dumb to get it”

“love this one”

“haha do u get it u have no friends”

Vote for Some people are has-beens. You are a never-was 17) Some people are has-beens. You are a never-was

“its nice!!”

“Very close to my life story”

Vote for Out of 100,000 sperm, you were the fastest? 18) Out of 100,000 sperm, you were the fastest?

“Brilliant!!!”

Vote for Yo mama so fat she’s got more chins thin a chinese phone book 19) Yo mama so fat she’s got more chins thin a chinese phone book

“this is an awsome yo mama joke lol
”

“That is so cool, i could use it against my enemy in bahrain!!!!!!!!”

Vote for Jesus thinks you're a dumbass 20) Jesus thinks you're a dumbass

“thats just hurtful”

Vote for Your mother and father hated you so much you bath toys were an iron and a toaster 21) Your mother and father hated you so much you bath toys were an iron and a toaster

“Uber diss”

Samfisherofwoe

“wicked!!”

“ohh that’s so mean! XD”

Vote for You are so ugly that when your mama dropped you off at school she got a fine for littering 22) You are so ugly that when your mama dropped you off at school she got a fine for littering

“best insult on earth
”

“OOO BURN”

Vote for I wouldn’t piss on you, even if you were on fire. 23) I wouldn’t piss on you, even if you were on fire.

“lol thats good”

sharpo68

“That’s a Chumbawamba song. Well done for being original..”

Ellis

“thats cold”

Vote for Being around you is like having a cancer of the soul. 24) Being around you is like having a cancer of the soul.

“what could be better than this. NOTE use on teacher/parent”

“Excellent use of a terrible disease.”

“thats cold”

Vote for Who do you think is the best comedy team? ME? I think it's your parents....they made the biggest joke! 25) Who do you think is the best comedy team? ME? I think it's your parents....they made the biggest joke!

“I am so using this! Brilliant!”

HenP

“Oh my gosh.. that is priceless...
”

Simply_Nobody

“HAHA love it!”

Vote for Your mamma so fat she has to wear 2 watches because she covers two time zones 26) Your mamma so fat she has to wear 2 watches because she covers two time zones

“thats the best 1 i herd in a long time”

“SICK”

“i said that to this bully and he cried!!”

Vote for You’re so stupid you got fired from the m&m factory for throwing out all the "w’s" 27) You’re so stupid you got fired from the m&m factory for throwing out all the "w’s"

“Owned”

SnoopDizzleDogg

“O man! wait till i tell my friend about this 1!”

Vote for When you were born, the police arrested your dad, the doctor slapped your mom, animal control euthanized your brother, and A&E made a documentary that saved your life. 28) When you were born, the police arrested your dad, the doctor slapped your mom, animal control euthanized your brother, and A&E made a documentary that saved your life.

“Wow... this is the single most epic thing I have ever heard.”

the-dude-2000

“this is the single meanest thing to say to someone... but thats what this list is about lol got my vote”

browney115

“True story”

Synester

» more comments on When you were born, the police arrested your dad, the doctor slapped your mom, animal control euthanized your brother, and A&E made a documentary that saved your life.

Vote for Yo mama’s so fat that she’s got smaller fat people orbiting around her 29) Yo mama’s so fat that she’s got smaller fat people orbiting around her

“haha hilarious! only one I’ve laughed out loud at!”

“talk about a funny picture!”

“haha thats a good one ACE”

Vote for Yo mama so fat wen she jumped in the ocean the whales started singin "We Are Family" 30) Yo mama so fat wen she jumped in the ocean the whales started singin "We Are Family"

“OH MY GOD THAT IS THE FUNNIEST INSULT I HAVE EVER HEARD!”

Vote for hey u hav somthing on ur chin 3rd 1 down 31) hey u hav somthing on ur chin 3rd 1 down

Vote for I'm looking forward to the pleasure of your company since I haven't had it yet. 32) I'm looking forward to the pleasure of your company since I haven't had it yet.

“hahahahahaha NEAt... im sure using this one”

“im using it 2”

“o dis”

» more comments on I'm looking forward to the pleasure of your company since I haven't had it yet.

Vote for Your momma is so ugly... she gotta be your momma 33) Your momma is so ugly... she gotta be your momma

“just simple... but funny as hell”

rocknrolldude

“that’s actually pretty damn funny.”

Vote for Your mom just called me, and she asked, that on your way home, you pick up a loaf of bread, bag of milk and some condoms, so she doesn't make the same mistake, twice. 34) Your mom just called me, and she asked, that on your way home, you pick up a loaf of bread, bag of milk and some condoms, so she doesn't make the same mistake, twice.

“ohhhhhhhhhhhh damn I think i will use this one
”

Vote for Your mama so fat she jumped up to the sky and got stuck 35) Your mama so fat she jumped up to the sky and got stuck

“thats gotta hurt”

“thats a good 1!!!”

“THAT IS SO WICKED LIKE”

» more comments on Your mama so fat she jumped up to the sky and got stuck

Vote for Looks like you fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down 36) Looks like you fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down

“true...true....so true”

Vote for Why dont you shut up and give that hole in your face a chance to heal 37) Why dont you shut up and give that hole in your face a chance to heal

“Ouch!”

Vote for Your mommas so fat that when she turned around its a birthday again!! 38) Your mommas so fat that when she turned around its a birthday again!!

“thats great”

Vote for Your parents are siblings 39) Your parents are siblings

“ouch! this one is harsh! but hey.. bet it don’t half smack them in the face lol”

“thats friggin bad...”

Vote for Learn from your parents mistakes - get sterilized 40) Learn from your parents mistakes - get sterilized

Vote for Nice tan, orange is my favourite colour 41) Nice tan, orange is my favourite colour

“Now thats something you don’t say to your gf!”

“xD Wow”

“I got to say this frequently when I was in california.”

Vote for Do you still love nature....despite what it did to you? 42) Do you still love nature....despite what it did to you?

“Call the fire department, cause you just got burned”

“classic insult, i don’t remember who actually said it first..”

“This is classic!!!”

» more comments on Do you still love nature....despite what it did to you?

Vote for My mother is more of a man then you. And she's a woman.. 43) My mother is more of a man then you. And she's a woman..

“Just something off the top of my head.”

Vote for You’re face looks like a pizza with the cheese ripped off 44) You’re face looks like a pizza with the cheese ripped off

“That makes me laugh so hard!”

“THATS BAD! :D:D:D:D”

“That’s absolutely horrible!!!! It made me laugh so hard I was crying!”

Vote for I may be fat but you’re ugly and I can diet. 45) I may be fat but you’re ugly and I can diet.

Vote for With just one more brain, what a halfwit he'd be. 46) With just one more brain, what a halfwit he'd be.

Vote for Your momma's so ugly she turned Medusa to stone 47) Your momma's so ugly she turned Medusa to stone

“now that is an insult”

“That would be so insulting if you said it to someone. Even though it is only number 50 it is still so good!”

thedoctor

“Ohmyghad that is wicked! I can’t wait to use that!!”

Vote for Your momma is so poor, she went to the wishing well and threw in an IOU 48) Your momma is so poor, she went to the wishing well and threw in an IOU

“best ever”

“Oh BURN!”

Vote for You’re so stupid you tried to put m&ms in alphabetical order! 49) You’re so stupid you tried to put m&ms in alphabetical order!

“i can’t wait to do that one”

“this one is pretty good. he he”

“OOOOOHHHH thats gotta hurt!”

Vote for You would look like your momma... if you grow a moustache. And some horns. And gain a few thousand pounds. 50) You would look like your momma... if you grow a moustache. And some horns. And gain a few thousand pounds.

Vote for There was a comment about your dad in a movie... I think its "YOU SON OF A DISHWASHER"? 51) There was a comment about your dad in a movie... I think its "YOU SON OF A DISHWASHER"?

Vote for You didn't fall out of the stupid tree. You got drug through dumbass forest. 52) You didn't fall out of the stupid tree. You got drug through dumbass forest.

Vote for When you were born your mum left you outside the orphanage and handed herself into the police 53) When you were born your mum left you outside the orphanage and handed herself into the police

“its soo cold and funny the perfect combination!”

Vote for You’re so ugly when you were born the doctors didn’t know if they should put you in a cradle or a cage 54) You’re so ugly when you were born the doctors didn’t know if they should put you in a cradle or a cage

“are you just gonna take that?!”

ACDCRocks

“this is going to be a good one for a bully at our school”

“i like it that way!”

» more comments on You’re so ugly when you were born the doctors didn’t know if they should put you in a cradle or a cage

Vote for You’re house is so small, you ordered a large pizza and had to eat it outside. 55) You’re house is so small, you ordered a large pizza and had to eat it outside.

Vote for What was that? You have a brain freeze? But honey doesn't that actually require a brain first? 56) What was that? You have a brain freeze? But honey doesn't that actually require a brain first?

Vote for You're so stupid, brain surgeons are having a hard time 57) You're so stupid, brain surgeons are having a hard time

“lol”

“jolly good lol
”

“lol!”

Vote for Can I borrow your face? My arse is on holiday 58) Can I borrow your face? My arse is on holiday

Vote for You were adopted and never loved. 59) You were adopted and never loved.

“THIS ONE IS TERRIBLE!”

Vote for Your so ugly when you popped out the doctor said aww what a treasure and your mom said yeah lets bury it 60) Your so ugly when you popped out the doctor said aww what a treasure and your mom said yeah lets bury it

Vote for You're Michael Jackson gone wrong 61) You're Michael Jackson gone wrong

Vote for Your face looks like someone smashed a glass bottle on it then tried to pick out the pieces with a wooden spoon 62) Your face looks like someone smashed a glass bottle on it then tried to pick out the pieces with a wooden spoon

“I had much inspiration for this one!”

Vote for You’re so fat you make a hippo look skinny! 63) You’re so fat you make a hippo look skinny!

“quality!”

Vote for You’re so fake that Barbie is more real than you 64) You’re so fake that Barbie is more real than you

Vote for Yo mama is so fat, when she goes to an all you can eat buffet, they have to install speed bumps 65) Yo mama is so fat, when she goes to an all you can eat buffet, they have to install speed bumps

“i have used this one plenty of times an its just as funny everytime lol”

“thats awsome
”

Vote for Yeah you're pretty ... pretty stupid 66) Yeah you're pretty ... pretty stupid

“this says it all”

“lmao”

“haha..made me remember my bf’s ex!”

» more comments on Yeah you're pretty ... pretty stupid

Vote for Yo mamma so old, she owes Moses a quarter 67) Yo mamma so old, she owes Moses a quarter

Vote for You’re so weird you’re made of cotton. 68) You’re so weird you’re made of cotton.

“I love the person that put this on here you know why? BECAUSE IT IS SOOOOOOOOO HILARIOUS!”

“It makes no sense, but it’s still hillarious.”

Vote for Your asinine simian countenance alludes that your fetid stench has anulled the anthropoid ape species diversity. 69) Your asinine simian countenance alludes that your fetid stench has anulled the anthropoid ape species diversity.

“They won’t know what it means, but you will. It means: The stupid kind of monkey you are suggests that your stink killed the many other different kinds of monkey.”

Vote for You are about as brilliant and sane as Tom Cruise 70) You are about as brilliant and sane as Tom Cruise

“I made that up...it’s the most insulting thing I could think of”

“lol thats the best one!!”

Vote for You was born on a motorway cause that’s where most accidents happen 71) You was born on a motorway cause that’s where most accidents happen

“DAMN!”

Vote for With a face like yours, I wish I was blind 72) With a face like yours, I wish I was blind

“wow... thats hurtful.”

schaf1492

“wow , man thats mean”

“thats beautiful
”

Vote for You're an accident waiting to happen...it's a good thing I didn't wait that long 73) You're an accident waiting to happen...it's a good thing I didn't wait that long

Vote for You're so ugly you make the second ugliest person in the world look like a super model 74) You're so ugly you make the second ugliest person in the world look like a super model

“ha ha....ugly”

Vote for Yo momma is like a racecar driver. She burns lots of rubbers! 75) Yo momma is like a racecar driver. She burns lots of rubbers!

“classical!”

“This one hurts!
The only one I’ve laughed to.”

Vote for Look, you aint funny. Your life is just a joke. 76) Look, you aint funny. Your life is just a joke.

“lol i like this 1”

Vote for Yo mama's so fat she sat on a rainbow and Skittles popped out 77) Yo mama's so fat she sat on a rainbow and Skittles popped out

“dis joke is buzzin
”

“haha omg thats gold”

“hahaha thats a classical~”

Vote for Why don't you check up on eBay and see if they have a life for sale. 78) Why don't you check up on eBay and see if they have a life for sale.

“This is so cool I am so gunna try it lol :~)”

Vote for You are so ugly when you were born the doctor said "I'm gonna drop it, if it falls is a rat, if it flies is a bat." 79) You are so ugly when you were born the doctor said "I'm gonna drop it, if it falls is a rat, if it flies is a bat."

“good one! i’m gonna use it!!”

Vote for Yo mamma so ugly not even rice crispes would talk to her 80) Yo mamma so ugly not even rice crispes would talk to her

“Legendary! LMFAO! x”

Vote for Yo mama’s so fat when she went missing, she took up all four sides of the milk carton 81) Yo mama’s so fat when she went missing, she took up all four sides of the milk carton

“that is funny
”

“daanngg shes big!!”

Vote for I...... words can not express how much I hate you 82) I...... words can not express how much I hate you

“simply geneious:D”

Vote for You’ve got a face like a burst haggis 83) You’ve got a face like a burst haggis

Vote for Yeah you're special ... special needs 84) Yeah you're special ... special needs

“hahaha ive used tht funni !!!!”

Vote for Your momma's so fat when she runs she’s rolling the earth under her 85) Your momma's so fat when she runs she’s rolling the earth under her

Vote for So you’re a blonde that everyone loves that has a sinless inside as white as snow.... you sound like a gay twinkie to me. 86) So you’re a blonde that everyone loves that has a sinless inside as white as snow.... you sound like a gay twinkie to me.

“I got a black eye for saying this one to the toughest most stupidest kid in school yet I still love it”

“man that owns!!”

Vote for By some strange chance, are your parents cousins? 87) By some strange chance, are your parents cousins?

“I said this to someone and they said ’No,why?’ Priceless.”

Vote for Why do you even get up in the morning? 88) Why do you even get up in the morning?

“Haha! This one HAS to be the best!”

“xD I love this.
It makes me feel like a cold hearted bitch everytime I use it.”

Vote for I took a picture of you and taped it to my ass, but you were still uglier. 89) I took a picture of you and taped it to my ass, but you were still uglier.

Vote for Your parents made a mistake and it’s name was [insert person’s name here] 90) Your parents made a mistake and it’s name was [insert person’s name here]

Vote for Yo momma is so fat your dad has to kneel up in bed to see if its daylight! 91) Yo momma is so fat your dad has to kneel up in bed to see if its daylight!

“Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh”

“i thought that this is funny!”

Vote for Yo mama's so dumb that she went to the Clippers game to get a haircut 92) Yo mama's so dumb that she went to the Clippers game to get a haircut

“WOW,even im not that blonde!!!
”

Vote for If you ever happen to get a life, stop by for a while. I will give you advice on how to run it 93) If you ever happen to get a life, stop by for a while. I will give you advice on how to run it

“I don’t think the girl at my school will EVER get a life.”

“Very Hilarious!!”

Vote for You’re so fat when you burped you blew the world away. 94) You’re so fat when you burped you blew the world away.

“Check if you don’t beleive me.”

Vote for Is that your face? Or did your neck just throw up? 95) Is that your face? Or did your neck just throw up?

Vote for Go lay by your dish 96) Go lay by your dish

Vote for You know where you are, you're in the middle of the jungle, baby, you're gonna die 97) You know where you are, you're in the middle of the jungle, baby, you're gonna die

“axl rose’s infamous phrase”

ronluna

Vote for You're so ugly, apes want to adopt you 98) You're so ugly, apes want to adopt you

“hah...mowgli”

Vote for The only way I'd lay naked with you would be in a mass grave 99) The only way I'd lay naked with you would be in a mass grave

“Ohhhhhh that hurts what a awsome brush off dude!”

Bec

Vote for Yo momma so fat it takes her two trips to haul ass. 100) Yo momma so fat it takes her two trips to haul ass.

“That is a awsome issult”