Best Disses Ever

cleverclogs0

Here are very good disses and insults, hope you like them. Don't agree with the list? Vote for an existing item you think should be ranked higher or if you are a logged in, add a new item for others to vote on or create your own version of this list.

The Top Ten

1Your mum is so fat that even Dora couldn't explore her

Another bad insult, but I suggest you use it for critical situations as this insult could hurt emotions badly.

cleverclogs0

Everyone know that diss is old but still it's really cool

I'm definitely gonna use this in a diss fight this diss is amazing

More comments about Your mum is so fat that even Dora couldn't explore her

2Take that mask off, Halloween is not until October.

Very creative joke and it's funny. Nice Job.

I said that to my brother and he cried! I was laughing at this joke for so long!

This diss was amazing, I've used it countless times and it worked, and it has never failed me. Also used it on my sister and she didn't bother me for weeks :D

More comments about Take that mask off, Halloween is not until October.

3Do aliens exist? Wait that's a stupid question, I'm looking at one right now.

Oh, my. That's good. But I don't know... I like the others as well. TOO LATE I VOTED FOR THIS ONE! I like this one. Who told you this?
Yes, I did just call you that. I hope you're glad. JK, JK, JK. I don't wanna get a thumbs down. This is just a way to defend yourself. Sort of.

This is great I'm a kid and I'm gonna say it To the boys at school they walkways diss me so now I have back up

I hope this insult would help you win your dissing contest

cleverclogs0

More comments about Do aliens exist? Wait that's a stupid question, I'm looking at one right now.

4You could be very useful iin the army; your face kills faster than any gun or bomb

A very bad insult, I hope you like it.

cleverclogs0

This was so funny I fell and couldn't stop laughing

This totally needs to be number 1 in high school disses like these would put people into SHAME. They wouldn't dare mess with you, AGAIN. And I should know 'because I'm a star disser

More comments about You could be very useful iin the army; your face kills faster than any gun or bomb

5Hey, I can make a song about your teeth ' black and yellow black and yellow' and you need to hear the remix 'green and purple green and purple'

Made me laugh out loud for ages. The diss is a masterpiece. The person who made it is a genius he should be master of disses. If there was a diss contest he would be crowned king of all disses. When I grow up I want to be a genius like him.
Peace out.

An obnoxious diss!

cleverclogs0

I totally used this one with my friend. The green and purple part is really original, though. Hm. Gotta try this on another person who thinks his teeth look good

More comments about Hey, I can make a song about your teeth ' black and yellow black and yellow' and you need to hear the remix 'green and purple green and purple'

6Your head is so big that you put the moon out of business

a very good insult.

cleverclogs0

I told that to someone who was so annoying that they stop talking to me, and I also tried other ones too and it worked so thanks.

I've personally never heard this one but its so funny!

More comments about Your head is so big that you put the moon out of business

7You're so fat that when you jumped into the Atlantic Ocean, it turned into the Atlantic Desert!

A cool diss

cleverclogs0

Dude this I great used it on some annoying guy and he hasn't bothered me since

Hahah that's jokes, I'm gonna use it on someone!

8You're so ugly that Medusa didn't want to look at you because she thought you were a mirror and she didn't want to be turned to stone.

That helped very much now I can use this qute

So cool! Thanks a bunch!

THIS IS AMAZING. I USEDON A SENIOR AND HE ALMOST STARTED CRYING

More comments about You're so ugly that Medusa didn't want to look at you because she thought you were a mirror and she didn't want to be turned to stone.

9You're so dumb when somebody was trying to steal your T.V., you were chasing him saying you forgot the remote

Laughing my ass off laugh out loud your classic

That so good I said that to someone during class and we had a new teacher so she laugh

It is so funny I couldn't stop laughing

More comments about You're so dumb when somebody was trying to steal your T.V., you were chasing him saying you forgot the remote

10You're so fat when you walk past a window, we lose sun for four days.

Another cool diss

cleverclogs0

CLASSIC NEVER AND I MEAN NEVER HEARD THAT ONE BEFORE

HAHAHA this is hilarious. It's a really good joke, would totally sting in a competition with the right timing and right attitude.

More comments about You're so fat when you walk past a window, we lose sun for four days.

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The Contenders

11Your so fat you got run over by a parked car

Nice joke I can't stop laughing

Dude off the cart

12When yo mama jumps, she makes earthquakes. When yo mama breathes, she makes tornados. When yo mama swims, she makes tsunamis. When yo mama dies, she makes happiness.

Cool I'm using that laugh out loud

AMAZING! WHY ISN'T THIS number 1!

This epic 1 I'm definitely gonna use this 1

More comments about When yo mama jumps, she makes earthquakes. When yo mama breathes, she makes tornados. When yo mama swims, she makes tsunamis. When yo mama dies, she makes happiness.

13You're so poor when you invited me round to dinner there were 3 beans on a plate and I took one and you said "Oy! Don't be so greedy"

Worst "unsmooth" joke ever. If you told this to me I would just laugh in your face and it would not be because of the joke!

That is s joke

Crap funny
Made me cry

14Yo mama is so fat that people mistake her as another planet

15Your mom so poor she can't even afford to pay attention

Wicked ha ha laugh out loud

Haha that one caught me off guard.

This is some good jokes

More comments about Your mom so poor she can't even afford to pay attention

16You're so ugly when your mum picked you up from school and dropped you at home she got arrested for littering.

This is the best diss I have ever heard in my life. Who ever wrote this is a genius. In fact the truth is I am the one who wrote this awesome diss. Like I said. Best diss ever. Later

So evil, truly evil. I really appreciate the dis, because you actually have to think before you laugh or say 'oh, I get it! '. Really smart.

Haha that had me in stiches and everyone laughed when I said it so yeh that's a good one

More comments about You're so ugly when your mum picked you up from school and dropped you at home she got arrested for littering.

17Yo mama is so stupid that she starved to death in the grocery store

I have heard that 1 before but it still made me laugh.

I think that a good diss

18You're so fat when you're sitting around the house, you're really sitting AROUND the house!

That doesn't make sence you said your so fat you were sitting AROUND the house when you were really sitting around the house

I hope you get this one.

cleverclogs0

This should be number one nice

More comments about You're so fat when you're sitting around the house, you're really sitting AROUND the house!

19Yo mama is so fat that when she went into Wal-mart, she lowered the prices!

20You're so fat you were mistaken as a new planet bigger than Jupiter

21You're so bored with your life you're reading this

Umm... Actually.. You were reading this page too...

So... Why did you WRITE THIS?!

I hated that fockin dum

22Yo mama is so fat that when she went into the cinema, she sat next to everybody

How can she sit next to every 1 you wasteman drunky (baseline junky) ya get meh on that ting fam

23You are so poor that you run after a garbage truck with a shopping list

I took my time looking at what diss was the best but this is seriously underrated. So funny, should be number one.

Laugh out loud totally usin this

Ohh I can't wait to use it on a boy in my class

More comments about You are so poor that you run after a garbage truck with a shopping list

24You are the reason why Hitler was born

This is jokes man were did you get this from! :) laugh out loud!

Cool diss I love it n gonna use on everyone

25What died on your neck? Oh - it's your head.

Horribly mean... But funny. Just be careful how you use this one. Love, Not Hate (:

Great joke! By the way it's hate not love you got it mixed up

I love it! I'm definitely using this one, I mean laugh out loud!

More comments about What died on your neck? Oh - it's your head.

26You're so ugly even Bob the Builder couldn't fix you

Boy you thought your funny your sweet as honey

That is a swag dis

Oh laugh out loud GOOD ONE ME LIKEY:-) :-) :-)

More comments about You're so ugly even Bob the Builder couldn't fix you

27Yo mama is so sweaty that she caused a tsunami

28Your house is so small that every time you ring the door bell the toilet flushes

29You're the reason why the Titanic sank

Laugh out loud I used to say this all the time!

That's stupid over 101 yrs ago get with it freak

30You're so ugly you made Justin Bieber feel happy

Laugh out loud! I HATE JUSTIN BIEBER!

Laugh out loud I hate Justin Bieber this put a smile to ma face ;)x

This is a very nice one

More comments about You're so ugly you made Justin Bieber feel happy

31Yo mama is so stupid that when her computer said, "Press any key.", she couldn't find the "any" key

32You must have been born on a highway because that's where most accidents happen

This is so cool. I used this on the meanest kid in my class and his never teased me again

Nice laugh out loud why isn't that #1

Cool I used it

33Your mom does not need the internet because she is already world wide

Nice sick, really ice!
I can say that to my haterz
Its somethings to get in someones face

Its ok but if your trying to be mean to the person why don't you say instead you don't need internet because your already world wide or something like that because it would be horrible to say something like that to there mum its not like you would like it

At school when it was home time I said that to a kid who's really fat and he was calling me stupid so I said this and everyone was like oh!

More comments about Your mom does not need the internet because she is already world wide

34You're so ugly you make onions cry.

Said this to my mate, laugh out loud laugh out loud laugh out loud

Damn thiz is funny

This was really funny

35You're so ugly when you were born the doctor slapped your mother

I laughed for a long time. I told that to somone, and I got slapped, but eh, it's still funny

This is good. The guys at school shut afterwards

I was falling down from the cahir thanks :D :D

36You're so fat that you put two cellphones in either side of your pocket and call the other one it says "long distance"

Laugh out loud so funny no joke your so that you put two cellphones in either side of your pocket and call the other one is says LONG DISTANCE LO... Lo l So fun ney ha ha too funn lo l why I'mi typing like thi S.

37Your mum is so fat, when she tried to commit suicide between two cliffs, she got stuck

That's so funny laugh out loud make that into a film laugh out loud

That's funny but not the best I ever heard

38You're so fat when you stepped on a scale, it said one at a time please!

It is really funny. It is really funny. I'll use it on a friend of mine and see what he thinks. I laughed at it really hard!

Classic dude really classic, I'm using that one

Lool Brv This 1 Is Fockin Jokes Rudeboii Smexy LO by the way I Always Say Dis 2 Ma Friend And He Actually Cries>3 LOLol Now I'm

39You're so ugly that Hello Kitty said bye bye to you

Holy crap, this is so awesome! Thank you so much for making my day! =D

They are all cool

40You're so ugly when you went to the ugly contest they said no professionals

That is just the best diss ever

That is just sick

This diss just tops it off I was LMFAO

41Your lips are so dry whenever you drink milk they go snap, crackle, and pop

I was eating cereal when I red this

That was nice I kno a lot of people with dry lips I could say that to lots of peeps I was laughing out loud (lo-l) it made me laugh a lot swear it is gonna be used on lots of people... Srry for the long note

, that is so funny, I am using that on my sister who I swear has never even used vaseline on her lips, man that thing is nasty man nasstyy ;] thankyou, thankyoou bro

42When you walked outside wearing a yellow raincoat the sun got jealous

I think it should say "your so fat" at the beggining but good diss

That is a killer I am so going to use that diss it rocks

43You have more issues than a magazine stand

44You're so stupid you climbed over a glass wall to see what's on the other side

Laugh out loud this is the funniest/dopiest diss ever and that's why I love it

HEY WHATS THAT OVER THERE

45You're so fat that when you went to Safeway it was not safe anymore

46Your mama is so poor she can't even afford to help her kids

That's a bit sad but I guess its funny though well maybe hilarious! Told this to my friend and she slapped me one mind you we got into a cat fight which did not end well

47You're so ugly your own reflection runs away from you

48You are so poor

You are so poor I was on my way home from work and kicked a stone and just then your mom fell out saying who is knocking

That's the most amazing one I've seen so far!

49You're so stupid you went to the doctor and said "Doctor, doctor - I need a new butt my old one has a crack in it".

It's so obvious but cool at the same time laugh out loud

50You're so black that when the coal miners saw you they asked "Isn't that the coal we dug up yesterday?"

It's funny because they thought they dug the coal up

51Yo mama is so poor that she couldn't afford to pay a visit

52You're so fat you occupy all streets so we don't need protesters

53Your momma's do fat when she turned around it was her birthday

You just hide behind her and you don't have to give her presents. I'M A GENIUS!

54You're so ugly when God saw you he was confused if it was Halloween or Christmas

I TRYED IT ON MY FRIEND HE doesn't BOTHER ME

55Your mom is so old that when she went to school there was no history

56You're so fat you have stretch marks that say McDonalds

Jokes carry on making more cause that joke was sick

Best one yet. I used it and loved it.

Best joke ever. I rate U.

More comments about You're so fat you have stretch marks that say McDonalds

57Your mama so fat when her ass finally enters the room her stomach has already left

That's such a good diss me and my friend loled for so long
I love this website I go on it every day laugh out loud written by sahara who is 12

Nice one
Well done awesome diss

This suck make better ones

58Your mama so fat she fell down the stairs without moving.

That is some bad man diss!

So cool awesome joke I'm going to use that lool my name is sadaf

That was so cool

59You're so ugly that when you were born your dad looked at your mom and said what a waste of sperm

60Yo Momma's so stupid, that she's really stupid.

This one is lame. How about trying something better000. I definitely wont use this one at all

I'm gonna use dis. Laugh out loud

61Your mama so stupid she runs around the bed all night trying to catch some sleep

I've got a good one
If someone asks if you can take a joke you say"no that's why I can't take you! "

This joke is really funny

62If you're reading this you're probably bored in life

Laugh out loud that's so true though my friend went on this and said there wasnsime joke disses on here and she is so right good god :P ♡♡xx

63Your dad's a pedo

That is teribl

You can go foK urself

64You're so ugly, you make blind kids cry

That was an awesome diss got to use that one

Laugh out loud that is funny imma use it

65You're so fat drugs can't get you high.

66You're so fat that instead of calling a taxi you hired a skip

67You're so ugly, you made Chucky look hot.

My friend and I are always looking for good Chucky jokes and this one is perfect! Laugh out loud! I laughed so hard and told everyone. Use this on ALL your enemies! It works! I promise! It makes them stop dead in their tracks and cry!

Thanks for that. The only problem is that Ruby probably doesn't know what Chuchy is. Oh, or that he's really ugly. :D

Your momma is so dumb the movie waspg 17 so she brought 16 of her friends

68If you really want a joke look in the mirror

Amazing. That is a reall good joke

Best Dis Ever So simple But so funny Can't stop laughing every time I hear it

69You're so fat that the only letters of the alphabet you know are K F C

Laugh out loud awesome diss definitely using this one

This is an awesome diss really good to use in a dissing competition

Brilliant idea I will use this thanks mate

70You're so ugly your mom feeds you with a slingshot

Amazing insult. I will definitely use that

Laugh out loud definitely using this

Great disses I have one you you are so ugly your parents play rock paper siccors to kiss you good night

71Your mother is so fat that when she stepped in the shower her feet didn't get wet

Bcus her belly's in the way?

72When you were born your parents didn't know whether to put you in a cradle or a cage

73You're so fat that when you went swimming, the blue whales said come back brother

Me and my friend made a really funny one you are so fat when you went swimming the whales all jumped up and sang we are family even though your fatter than me

Laugh out loud come back brother

Nice diss, we laugh so hard!

74You're so stupid. You thought 2 +2 was 45

This ones really great

75Your mama so dumb she brought a spoon to the Superbowl

Haha
That's funny
Ill use day soon**~»sıp pooƃ

76Ask your mom what her biggest mistake was she will say it was you

This is quite good ill use it

That's the best diss I have ever heard
yo yo yo sleg

77You're so dumb you sit on the T.V. and watch the couch.

78You're so small that an ant seems to be bigger

Laugh out loud never thought would come a cross a "your so small" joke :P

79Are you're lips designer? Because they are super dry.

What very stupid, can you amagine going up to you enemy and saying that like they would think your a retard

This is great thanks

Gd diss laugh out loud

80You're so fat that your bum is two full moons joined together

Its not that funny but iits good

81Your mama so poor she was kicking a tin can down the street and I asked her what she is doing and she said she is moving

This 1ns sexy yes!

Y are all the jokes abt the moms?...

82You're so fat that even Fat Bastard said you are fat

I love this this joke and anyone who thinks this is rubbish is stupid!

Go and fock your mom

83You're so black that when you were shot by a gun, the bullet came back asking for a torch.

This is so racist you should be ashamed of yourself I can't just go round saying bad things about white people

I should use this on a black person instead of the n word

Wow. I love that it should in fact be number 1

84Your trousers are pulled up so high, even LeBron Lames couldn't dunk in it

85You're so fat and white that when you went to school people thought it was December

Very good diss and yes he is allowed to say white because there stupid flipping disses about black people and everyone laughed this is funny there should be more like this

I kno right there was a racist black joke up there too ⬆

That's racists... ,.. Your not allowed to say white... Dumbass

More comments about You're so fat and white that when you went to school people thought it was December

86Your eyes are so big when you look at a map you see people waving

This is an awesome diss I said it to my enemy and it made cry

87Your mum is so old that she owns Jesus £5

Haha wicked gonna use it against my friends

88You're so poor when I stepped on a cigarette you said who turned out the lights

Swag know that's what you call a diss laugh out loud

89Your mamas so fat when she got on an aeroplane it turned into a submarine

What a mad joke

This is my favoirte diss

Yo that is so cool and funny

90When you opened your mouth a guy yelled out 'taxi'

91I like you! Why? Because you are fat.

92You're so fat that when you stood on the scale the scale said to be continued

93That joke is so old I heard it when I was riding on my pet dinosaur

And the other person should say back: "I knew you were old because of the wrinkles but not that old"

That means that you are old and then you are kind dissing urself.

94Whenever an earthquake happens, it's a sign to show that you're walking

Best should be number one!
Used it and made a guy shut up:)

95Your teeth are so yellow, people can just sunbathe by looking at you

96I don't know what makes you so stupid, but it really works!

97Your mom is so fat she takes two taxi's

98You should slip in something comfortable... what about a coma

99You're so fat when you stepped on the scale it said I want your weight not your ID number

That's jokes blad the best one ever!

100Your mama is so fat her clothes come in 3 sizes... extra large, jumbo and, OMG it's coming towards us!

You shood add omj it coming towards us!

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List Info

This list was created 1 year, 323 days ago and has been voted on over 2,000 times. This top ten list contains 285 items, has been remixed 6 times and has been blogged about 10 times.

Updated Sunday, May 26, 2013

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