Choices Not In The Top Ten
11) Chuck Norris can delete the Recycling Bin.
12) Guns don't kill people, Chuck Norris kills people
13) Chuck Norris can speak braille.
14) Chuck Norris can strangle someone with a cordless phone.
15) Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Chuck Norris.
16) Some kids piss their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name into concrete.
17) When Chuck does push-ups, he doesn’t push himself up, he pushes the world down.
18) Chuck Norris doesn't sleep ... he waits.
19) Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.
20) Behind Chuck Norris' beard there is no chin, there is only another fist.
21) Bill Gates lives in constant fear that Chuck Norris' PC will crash.
22) Jesus can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can swim on land.
23) Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
24) Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked a salesman over the phone.
25) Chuck Norris once won a game of Connect Four in 3 moves.
26) Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.
27) Newtons third law must be wrong, there is no positive reaction to Chuck Norris' round house kick.
28) Superman wears Chuck Norris boxers
29) Jack was nimble, Jack was quick but Jack still couldn't dodge Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick.
30) Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
31) Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
32) Chuck Norris once pissed on an ordinary truck. We now know that truck as Optimus Prime.
33) Chuck Norris shoots a cow, and eats the beef, then he craps out gunpowder, makes a bullet, and repeats. This is what some people refer to as "The circle of life."
34) Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting, he goes killing
35) What does Chuck Norris bring to a gun fight? A knife.
36) Chuck Norris is the reason why the chicken crossed the road.
37) Chuck Norris bet NASA a beer that he could re-enter the earth's atmosphere......NASA owes Chuck a beer.
38) If Chuck Norris is running late, then time better hurry the heck up.
39) God said let there be light, Chuck Norris said say please.
40) Chuck Norris invented the spoon. Killing with a knife was too easy.
41) Chuck Norris counted to infinity in Chinese ... twice.
42) Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick)
43) In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.
44) If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, what beats all 3 at the same time? Answer: Chuck Norris.
45) Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.
46) Chuck Norris got stabbed by a knife. After 2 weeks of pain the knife died.
47) Chuck Norris once cut a man in half just to see what he had for lunch.
48) Chuck Norris can believe it's not butter
49) It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
50) Chuck Norris ordered a Whopper at McDonalds. he got one.
51) Telemarketing machines call every single phone number in existence...except Chuck Norris'
52) Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death...he wins fair and square.
53) If you spell Chuck Norris wrong on Google, it doesn't ask what you meant. It simply comes back as "RUN".
54) Chuck Norris died ten years ago, the Grim Reaper just can't build up the courage to tell him.
55) The first giraffe was created when Chuck Norris uppercutted a horse.
56) Chuck Norris can drown a fish.
57) Chuck Norris once spit near a truck, the spit came alive and crawled into the truck's engine. We now know this truck as Optimus Prime.
58) Rosa Parks refused to get out of her seat, because she was saving it for Chuck Norris.
59) Chuck Norris is so fast that when he goes to bed, he can turn off the lights and be under the sheets before the room gets dark.
60) You miss 100 of the shots you don't take. Chuck Norris misses 30.
61) Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
62) If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.
63) There is no Ctrl button on Chuck Norris' keyboard. Chuck Norris is always in control
64) Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name of everything around him.
65) Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
66) Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet as Chuck Norris.
67) Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
68) Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost
69) Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Atlantic Ocean.
70) The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
71) What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
72) Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
73) Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
74) Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate
75) How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? ... All of it.
76) There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.
77) The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked one of the corners off.
78) Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave, because revenge is a dish best served cold.
79) The original draft of The Lord of the Rings featured Chuck Norris instead of Frodo Baggins. It was only 5 pages long, as Chuck roundhouse-kicked Sauron's ass halfway through the first chapter.
80) There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.
81) Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
82) According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.
83) Chuck Norris once pulled out a single hair from his beard and skewered three men through the heart with it.
84) Chuck Norris walks into a bar. The bar instantly explodes, as no one buildling can contain that level of awesome.
85) if you have a dollar and Chuck Norris had a dollar he would kick your arse and take your dollar.
86) Chuck Norris does not sleep, he waits.
87) Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
88) Chuck Norris once walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.
89) Chuck Norris invented his own type of karate. It's called Chuck-Will-Kill.
90) Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
91) Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won
92) If, by some incredible space-time paradox, Chuck Norris would ever fight himself, he'd win. Period.
93) Scientists believe the world began with the "Big Bang". Chuck Norris shrugs it off as a "bad case of gas".
94) Chuck Norris can split the atom. With his bare hands
95) Chuck Norris let the dogs out.
96) Chuck Norris puts the laughter in manslaughter.
97) When denied a McGriddle at McDonald's because it was 10:35, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's.
98) Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.
99) Chuck Norris once ordered a Big Mac at Burger King. He got one.
100) Chuck Norris shaves with a John Deere tractor.
