Best Chuck Norris Facts

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Vote for If Chuck Norris falls into a river, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet, the river gets Chuck Norrised. 1) If Chuck Norris falls into a river, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet, the river gets Chuck Norrised.


Vote for Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer. 2) Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.

lol

Rotorhead

funny

kumo9

Ouch.

EmceeBlood


Vote for Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding. 3) Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.


Vote for When the Boogieman goes to sleep at night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris. 4) When the Boogieman goes to sleep at night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.


Vote for There is no theory of evolution.  Just a list of animals that Chuck Norris allows to live. 5) There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals that Chuck Norris allows to live.

hehe

MatrixGuy


Vote for Chuck Norris’ tears can cure cancer, it's a shame he's never cried. 6) Chuck Norris’ tears can cure cancer, it's a shame he's never cried.

The ironic nature of this fact shows both how God-like Chuck is, while showing how uncompassionate and manly he is.


Vote for Chuck Norris clogs the toilet every time he pisses. 7) Chuck Norris clogs the toilet every time he pisses.


Vote for Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now just The Islands. 8) Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now just The Islands.


Vote for Chuck Norris kicks the Down syndrome right out of kids 9) Chuck Norris kicks the Down syndrome right out of kids

haha good ol’ chuck


Vote for Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door. 10) Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.


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Choices Not In The Top Ten

Vote for Chuck Norris can delete the Recycling Bin. 11) Chuck Norris can delete the Recycling Bin.

lol I dunno why, lol’d the hardest to this one

lostgirl19

the best

Vote for Guns don't kill people, Chuck Norris kills people 12) Guns don't kill people, Chuck Norris kills people

true

Razor79

Classic......numero uno

This is the most popular and the funniest...simple and plain...norris is a beast

Vote for Chuck Norris can speak braille. 13) Chuck Norris can speak braille.

I always say this

waterboy51

Vote for Chuck Norris can strangle someone with a cordless phone. 14) Chuck Norris can strangle someone with a cordless phone.

omgz lol

Mambo

Vote for Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Chuck Norris. 15) Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Chuck Norris.

Vote for Some kids piss their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name into concrete. 16) Some kids piss their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name into concrete.

good one

RdrTech

Vote for When Chuck does push-ups, he doesn’t push himself up, he pushes the world down. 17) When Chuck does push-ups, he doesn’t push himself up, he pushes the world down.

This is the funniest one out there!

Freak_Show1

It is the truth.

supreme

meh.wish I was that strong.

supreme

Vote for Chuck Norris doesn't sleep ... he waits. 18) Chuck Norris doesn't sleep ... he waits.

Vote for Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris. 19) Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.

Vote for Behind Chuck Norris' beard there is no chin, there is only another fist. 20) Behind Chuck Norris' beard there is no chin, there is only another fist.

Vote for Bill Gates lives in constant fear that Chuck Norris' PC will crash. 21) Bill Gates lives in constant fear that Chuck Norris' PC will crash.

Vote for Jesus can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can swim on land. 22) Jesus can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can swim on land.

Vote for Chuck Norris can divide by zero. 23) Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

Vote for Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked a salesman over the phone. 24) Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked a salesman over the phone.

Vote for Chuck Norris once won a game of Connect Four in 3 moves. 25) Chuck Norris once won a game of Connect Four in 3 moves.

Vote for Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink. 26) Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.

Vote for Newtons third law must be wrong, there is no positive reaction to Chuck Norris' round house kick. 27) Newtons third law must be wrong, there is no positive reaction to Chuck Norris' round house kick.

booya

Vote for Superman wears Chuck Norris boxers 28) Superman wears Chuck Norris boxers

Vote for Jack was nimble, Jack was quick but Jack still couldn't dodge Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick. 29) Jack was nimble, Jack was quick but Jack still couldn't dodge Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick.

lol

aman28

Vote for Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird. 30) Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

Vote for Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink. 31) Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

Vote for Chuck Norris once pissed on an ordinary truck. We now know that truck as Optimus Prime. 32) Chuck Norris once pissed on an ordinary truck. We now know that truck as Optimus Prime.

Vote for Chuck Norris shoots a cow, and eats the beef, then he craps out gunpowder, makes a bullet, and repeats. This is what some people refer to as "The circle of life." 33) Chuck Norris shoots a cow, and eats the beef, then he craps out gunpowder, makes a bullet, and repeats. This is what some people refer to as "The circle of life."

Vote for Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting, he goes killing 34) Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting, he goes killing

Vote for What does Chuck Norris bring to a gun fight? A knife. 35) What does Chuck Norris bring to a gun fight? A knife.

Vote for Chuck Norris is the reason why the chicken crossed the road. 36) Chuck Norris is the reason why the chicken crossed the road.

Vote for Chuck Norris bet NASA a beer that he could re-enter the earth's atmosphere......NASA owes Chuck a beer. 37) Chuck Norris bet NASA a beer that he could re-enter the earth's atmosphere......NASA owes Chuck a beer.

Vote for If Chuck Norris is running late, then time better hurry the heck up. 38) If Chuck Norris is running late, then time better hurry the heck up.

Vote for God said let there be light, Chuck Norris said say please. 39) God said let there be light, Chuck Norris said say please.

Vote for Chuck Norris invented the spoon. Killing with a knife was too easy. 40) Chuck Norris invented the spoon. Killing with a knife was too easy.

Vote for Chuck Norris counted to infinity in Chinese ... twice. 41) Chuck Norris counted to infinity in Chinese ... twice.

Vote for Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick) 42) Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick)

Vote for In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten. 43) In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.

Vote for If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, what beats all 3 at the same time? Answer: Chuck Norris. 44) If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, what beats all 3 at the same time? Answer: Chuck Norris.

Vote for Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there. 45) Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.

Vote for Chuck Norris got stabbed by a knife. After 2 weeks of pain the knife died. 46) Chuck Norris got stabbed by a knife. After 2 weeks of pain the knife died.

Vote for Chuck Norris once cut a man in half just to see what he had for lunch. 47) Chuck Norris once cut a man in half just to see what he had for lunch.

Vote for Chuck Norris can believe it's not butter 48) Chuck Norris can believe it's not butter

Vote for It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes. 49) It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.

Vote for Chuck Norris ordered a Whopper at McDonalds. he got one. 50) Chuck Norris ordered a Whopper at McDonalds. he got one.

Vote for Telemarketing machines call every single phone number in existence...except Chuck Norris' 51) Telemarketing machines call every single phone number in existence...except Chuck Norris'

Vote for Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death...he wins fair and square. 52) Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death...he wins fair and square.

Vote for If you spell Chuck Norris wrong on Google, it doesn't ask what you meant. It simply comes back as "RUN". 53) If you spell Chuck Norris wrong on Google, it doesn't ask what you meant. It simply comes back as "RUN".

Vote for Chuck Norris died ten years ago, the Grim Reaper just can't build up the courage to tell him. 54) Chuck Norris died ten years ago, the Grim Reaper just can't build up the courage to tell him.

Vote for The first giraffe was created when Chuck Norris uppercutted a horse. 55) The first giraffe was created when Chuck Norris uppercutted a horse.

Vote for Chuck Norris can drown a fish. 56) Chuck Norris can drown a fish.

Vote for Chuck Norris once spit near a truck, the spit came alive and crawled into the truck's engine. We now know this truck as Optimus Prime. 57) Chuck Norris once spit near a truck, the spit came alive and crawled into the truck's engine. We now know this truck as Optimus Prime.

Vote for Rosa Parks refused to get out of her seat, because she was saving it for Chuck Norris. 58) Rosa Parks refused to get out of her seat, because she was saving it for Chuck Norris.

Vote for Chuck Norris is so fast that when he goes to bed, he can turn off the lights and be under the sheets before the room gets dark. 59) Chuck Norris is so fast that when he goes to bed, he can turn off the lights and be under the sheets before the room gets dark.

Vote for You miss 100 of the shots you don't take. Chuck Norris misses 30. 60) You miss 100 of the shots you don't take. Chuck Norris misses 30.

Vote for Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs. 61) Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

Vote for If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you. 62) If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.

Vote for There is no Ctrl button on Chuck Norris' keyboard. Chuck Norris is always in control 63) There is no Ctrl button on Chuck Norris' keyboard. Chuck Norris is always in control

Vote for Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name of everything around him. 64) Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name of everything around him.

Vote for Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants. 65) Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

Vote for Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet as Chuck Norris. 66) Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet as Chuck Norris.

Vote for Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush. 67) Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

Vote for Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost 68) Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost

Vote for Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Atlantic Ocean. 69) Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Atlantic Ocean.

Vote for The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably. 70) The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.

Vote for What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe. 71) What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.

Vote for Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis. 72) Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

Vote for Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide. 73) Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.

Vote for Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate 74) Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate

Vote for How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? ... All of it. 75) How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? ... All of it.

Vote for There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma. 76) There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.

Vote for The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked one of the corners off. 77) The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked one of the corners off.

Vote for Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave, because revenge is a dish best served cold. 78) Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave, because revenge is a dish best served cold.

Vote for The original draft of The Lord of the Rings featured Chuck Norris instead of Frodo Baggins. It was only 5 pages long, as Chuck roundhouse-kicked Sauron's ass halfway through the first chapter. 79) The original draft of The Lord of the Rings featured Chuck Norris instead of Frodo Baggins. It was only 5 pages long, as Chuck roundhouse-kicked Sauron's ass halfway through the first chapter.

thought it was funny

Vote for There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up. 80) There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.

Vote for Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night. 81) Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

Vote for According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday. 82) According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.

Vote for Chuck Norris once pulled out a single hair from his beard and skewered three men through the heart with it. 83) Chuck Norris once pulled out a single hair from his beard and skewered three men through the heart with it.

Vote for Chuck Norris walks into a bar. The bar instantly explodes, as no one buildling can contain that level of awesome. 84) Chuck Norris walks into a bar. The bar instantly explodes, as no one buildling can contain that level of awesome.

Vote for if you have a dollar and Chuck Norris had a dollar he would kick your arse and take your dollar. 85) if you have a dollar and Chuck Norris had a dollar he would kick your arse and take your dollar.

Vote for Chuck Norris does not sleep, he waits. 86) Chuck Norris does not sleep, he waits.

Vote for Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one. 87) Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

Vote for Chuck Norris once walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors. 88) Chuck Norris once walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.

Vote for Chuck Norris invented his own type of karate. It's called Chuck-Will-Kill. 89) Chuck Norris invented his own type of karate. It's called Chuck-Will-Kill.

Vote for Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head. 90) Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

Vote for Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won 91) Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won

Vote for If, by some incredible space-time paradox, Chuck Norris would ever fight himself, he'd win. Period. 92) If, by some incredible space-time paradox, Chuck Norris would ever fight himself, he'd win. Period.

Vote for Scientists believe the world began with the "Big Bang". Chuck Norris shrugs it off as a "bad case of gas". 93) Scientists believe the world began with the "Big Bang". Chuck Norris shrugs it off as a "bad case of gas".

Vote for Chuck Norris can split the atom. With his bare hands 94) Chuck Norris can split the atom. With his bare hands

Vote for Chuck Norris let the dogs out. 95) Chuck Norris let the dogs out.

Vote for Chuck Norris puts the laughter in manslaughter. 96) Chuck Norris puts the laughter in manslaughter.

Vote for When denied a McGriddle at McDonald's because it was 10:35, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's. 97) When denied a McGriddle at McDonald's because it was 10:35, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's.

Vote for Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own. 98) Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.

Vote for Chuck Norris once ordered a Big Mac at Burger King. He got one. 99) Chuck Norris once ordered a Big Mac at Burger King. He got one.

Vote for Chuck Norris shaves with a John Deere tractor. 100) Chuck Norris shaves with a John Deere tractor.