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The Contenders: Page 2
101Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
102Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting, he goes killing
Classic! This one should be way higher. There is only one man who could do that.
When you look up Chuck Norris in the dictionary you are immediately met with a roundhouse kick to the face. Now you know.
103Chuck Norris Can Take Down a Fighter Jet by Pointing at With His Finger and Saying Bang
104Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Atlantic Ocean.
105Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
106Chuck Norris doesn't use spell check. The correct spelling is however Chuck Norris spells it.
107Chuck Norris's Xbox 360 once got the Red Ring of death. Chuck Norris then painted the lights green and it worked again.
Ask him to help fix mine! Because mine doesn't work!
108Einstein's original theory of relativity: If Chuck Norris kicks you, your relatives will feel it.
109Newtons third law must be wrong, there is no positive reaction to Chuck Norris' round house kick.
110Chuck Norris ordered a Whopper at McDonalds. he got one.
111Chuck Norris puts the FIST in PACIFIST.
112Chuck Norris is so fast that when he goes to bed, he can turn off the lights and be under the sheets before the room gets dark.
113Chuck Norris once got a hole-in-zero.
114Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name of everything around him.
115Chuck Norris owns a large private estate in the middle of the Atlantic. We know this as the Bermuda Triangle. Chuck Norris does NOT tolerate visitors.
116How many push ups can Chuck Norris do? All of them.
117Chuck Norris shoots a cow, and eats the beef, then he craps out gunpowder, makes a bullet, and repeats. This is what some people refer to as The circle of life.
118If Chuck Norris is running late, then time better hurry the heck up.
119Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick)
Brilliant, just brilliant... It was the only one that actually made me laugh out loud.
120Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
it's utterly possible for him to punch himself over again just by reversing his steps backward
121Chuck Norris once spit near a truck, the spit came alive and crawled into the truck's engine. We now know this truck as Optimus Prime.
122Chuck Norris doesn't wear a cup, he wears a barrel.
123Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked a salesman over the phone.
124Chuck norris once pissed into a can. We now know this as Red Bull
125Great mystery solved: the missing piece of apple in Apple's Logo was eaten by Chuck Norris!
126When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone, he had 3 missed calls from Chuck Norris
127When Chuck Norris chose to come to Earth he roundhouse kicked the four corners of the world, thus creating the circle and the sphere. When he chooses no longer to be among us he will undo his creation and the circle will finally be squared.
128Chuck Norris invented his own type of karate. It's called Chuck-Will-Kill.
129Chuck Norris once cut a man in half just to see what he had for lunch.
130What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
131There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.
132Chuck Norris ironically lives in a roundhouse.
133Chuck Norris pities Mr. T
134Chuck Norris once lit a fart in the sahara forest.
135Chuch Norris won the World Series of Poker using Pokemon cards
136When Chuck Norris gets bitten by a zombie, he doesn't turn into a zombie, the zombie turns into Chuck Norris.
Laugh out loud This is a funny ass joke if ANY one bit Chuck Norris the would turn into him Chuck Norris you legend!
This made me laugh my head off literally
137They had to use a stunt double for Chuck Norris in "Expendables 2" because Chuck Norris is not "expendable".
138What does Chuck Norris bring to a gun fight? A knife.
139if you have a dollar and Chuck Norris had a dollar he would kick your arse and take your dollar.
140It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
141Chuck Norris is the only person who can kick you in the back of the face.
this is definitely the best joke so far! because it's the most random! lol XD love Chuck!
142You miss 100 of the shots you don't take. Chuck Norris misses 30.
143Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
144Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet as Chuck Norris.
145The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
146Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave, because revenge is a dish best served cold.
147Chuck Norris doesnt turn on the light, he turns off the dark
148They were going to release a Chuck Norris edition of Clue, but the answer always turns out to be "Chuck Norris. In the Library. With a Roundhouse Kick."
149Chuck Norris facts are FACTS
150Chuck Norris played Red Rover once... 3 people were decapitated.
151Chuck Norris doesn't pray to God, God prays to Chuck Norris.
152Chuck Norris does not sleep, he waits.
153If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, what beats all 3 at the same time? Answer: Chuck Norris.
154If, by some incredible space-time paradox, Chuck Norris would ever fight himself, he'd win. Period.
155Telemarketing machines call every single phone number in existence...except Chuck Norris'
156Chuck Norris once ordered a Big Mac at Burger King. He got one.
157Chuck Norris shaves with a John Deere tractor.
158Chuck Norris once pulled out a single hair from his beard and skewered three men through the heart with it.
159Chuck Norris can't get killed by a gun but chuck norris can kill a gun.
160Google will not search for Chuck Norris because it knows you dont find him, he finds you. Suggestions: Run, before he finds you
Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha! You have to try this one. Just search chunck norris on google with "I'm feeling lucky. " You MUST TRY IT PLEASE!
161Chuck Norris hates Raymond and loves Chris.
162Chuck Norris calls his balls The Good, The Bad and the Ugly
Very clever and unexpected. Made me laugh out loud!
163Chuck Norris blinks once a day. That's all the rest he needs.
164Once, Mr. T, Chuck Norris, and Vin Diesel all entered the same room at the same time. The sheer force of their combined presence resulted in time stopping for seven days while God attempted to recreate the world.
165Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked The Doctor. The Doctor degenerated.
166When Chuck Norris unsafely removes a usb device no warnings come up.
167Chuck Norris attacks sharks when he smells their blood.
168Chuck Norris can't take part in Movember because hair doesn't grow on steel
169Only Chuck Norris can rob a bank online
170Google can't find Chuck Norris cause Chuck Norris finds you
171Little Known Fact: Every year the bulls of Pamplona run from Chuck Norris.
172The Black Eyed Peas used to be just The Peas until they met Chuck Norris
173The Devil is Chuck Norris for Halloween
174Chuck Norris closed the door of his house in America while he was sleeping in Maldives
great fact I guess chuck forgot to close his door before he came for vacation really funny
175Chuck Norris is the only Person who can Kick You in the Back of the Face
176Chuck Norris doesn't turn the light off, he turns the dark on.
177Chuck Norris taught Agent Smith to fight and how to reproduce himself
178Chuck Norris doesn't Google, Google asks Chuck Norris for information.
179The Kool-Aid man once saw Chuck Norris.
180Chuck Norris killed the Grim Reaper
181Someone stole Chuck Norris daughter's virginity, so Chuck went and got it back.
182Chuck Norris removed his tonsils with a chainsaw while blindfolded.
183The Dark is scared of Chuck Norris
184When Chuck Norris pokes you on Facebook, you end up in the hospital.
185Chuck Norris is just a stupid actor! If Chuck Norris is really a God, he will go to my house and slam my face on the keyboardasfklweiofhweiog4howeigl6e7idjskaiow5oazxi9xichxuc8hduyfiulg3hfwoie
186Chuck Norris doesn't learn, knowledge just wants to be around him.
187In my history exam I simply wrote Chuck Norris on a piece of paper and passed
188Chuck Norris brushes his teeth with sandpaper.
189The Civil War ended because Chuck Norris decided to build a house on the Mason Dixon Line.
190When Chuck Norris plays Mass Effect 3 he CAN make Shepard survive by choosing "control" with 0 EMS and he bangs and impregnates all the women in game at the same time! The game tried to tell him he couldn't do that, what have we learned?
191Chuck Norris only ever makes love on top because Chuck Norris never f**** up.
192Chuck Norris once made a fire. Now a days it is known as the sun.
193It was Chuck Norris who made Frank Sinatra sing.
194Chuck Norris bet NASA a beer that he could re-enter the earth's atmosphere......NASA owes Chuck a beer.
195Scientists believe the world began with the Big Bang. Chuck Norris shrugs it off as a bad case of gas.
196When denied a McGriddle at McDonald's because it was 10:35, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's.
197Chuck Norris walks into a bar. The bar instantly explodes, as no one buildling can contain that level of awesome.
198Chuck Norris was walking down the street with a masive errection, there were no survivors
199Chuck Norris can cook minute rice in 30 seconds.
200Chuck Norris sells his beard trimmings to the police to make bullet-proof vests.