When you were born, the police arrested your dad, the doctor slapped your mom, animal control euthanized your brother, and A&E made a documentary that saved your life.

“This is so funny, will have to use it”

“This is soooo funny, will have to use it”

“k that one was so bad! haha nice one though I'm so gonna say this to my friend”

“This is the best thing I have ever heard anybody say about anything”

“True story”

“this is the single meanest thing to say to someone... but thats what this list is about lol got my vote”

“Wow... this is the single most epic thing I have ever heard.”