Ellen Degeneres

“My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is.”

“I love her but not in a lesbo way.”

“I can't believe she is number 14! SHE'S SO FUNNY, I LAUGH MY ASS OFF EVERY TIME I WATCH HER STAND-UPS!”

“should be number one”