Demetri Martin
“funny guy like a smart mitch hedburg”
“Uses intelligence and his witts to come up with class a jokes. Waay funnier than Lary the Cable Guy.”
“I like rainbows, but I'm not gay. that's pretty selfish, gays. stealing all the rainbows.”
“I like parties, but I don't like piņatas...because the piņata promotes violence against flamboyant animals: 'Hey, there's a donkey with some pizazz...Let's kick his a**'.”
“If I ever saw a amputee being hanged I would just starting yelling out letters.”
“Seriously see him live. I had so much fun.”
“Drunk drivers are dangerous, but so can a drunk backseat driver, if he's persuasive. Turn left! But those are trees! Hey trust me!”
“"A mobile home with no tires is a home"”
“You know, guts and balls can mean the same thing up to a point. You could say 'that guy has guts/balls'. What you can't say is 'You know, I have a ball feeling'”
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